How to end ya relationship?

[Nanny67]

Firstly I want to say I have massive abandonment issues and hence I always hang on to bad relationships because the thought of the rejection (even if I'm the instigator) is too much to bare, I've had l

[Nanny67]

Continued... sorry ha ha. I've had therapy and currently going back for another course.
Anyhoo, I've been with my bf for over a year. It's not good and the police are actually involved due to emotional abuse - he doesn't know they are involved yet as they are in the process Ed's of making a plan with an IDVA to support me. So it's not just a case of saying bye because there's implications of danger following this.
Has anyone got any advice? I feel so stressed acting as if everything is ok when actually it's killing me inside. His behaviour is killing me (I already spent a week in a psychiatric unit because he messed with my head).
I have lots of professional support from various agencies. I only have one friend left because he stopped me seeing them. I can't carry on. Half of me doesn't want to end it because when he's nice he's lovely but 70% of the time he's horrid.
Please help me

[Bluebelle38]

At least you are aware you have the issues you have. You need to get single and stay single until you see you are fine on your own. If you don't do this, you will always be susceptible to being drawn into unhealthy relationships. How do you break up, well that's up to you. Clearly he needs to be told and know there is no going back. You could tell him somewhere public, but semi private if you are worried about his reaction. I'd also make sure your friend is somewhere nearby (although not visible to him). Do you live together?

[Nanny67]

Thanks Blue, no we don't live together thank god. I just don't know what to say to him in terms of what words to use? I know that might not make sense but it has to be gentle. Good idea about my friend being close by.

[Bluebelle38]

I'd be honest: you aren't compatible. If he says you are, tell him you have a different view then. You ended up in a psychiatric hospital over his emotional abuse. This man is not good for you. I think it's more important to be confident and firm than worry about the choice of words. All he has to get is 1. It's over and 2. You won't be changing your mind.

There is a great book I'd like to recommend called Women who love too much. I think it will really help you.

Good luck xx

[Bluebelle38]

www.goodreads.com/book/show/239509.Women_Who_Love_Too_Much

[Nanny67]

Thankyou blue your advice is really helpful xx