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NC dignity club part 6: onwards and upwards

(1000 Posts)
Oldbrook Thu 15-Feb-18 18:10:33

Walking a mile away together

movingonforgood Thu 15-Feb-18 18:13:49

Hello @gettingthereshopefully, @memyselfandi1, @gingergenius. So nice to meet you. Yes, any encouragement would be awesome. I really don't want to go back. Ever. I don't think he is going to change.

Teensandfuture Thu 15-Feb-18 18:15:31

Sorry filled up last thread without realising. I was typing my message and it was 993 posted or so and mine was 1000th .
See you all here in a short while ladies 😊

Oldbrook Thu 15-Feb-18 18:20:03

Checking in for day #1 of what is hopefully my last walk away

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Thu 15-Feb-18 18:20:42

Ah lovely new thread.

Movingon he sounds like a prize prick, full of arrogance. Stay strong you can do this.

Getting the notaire was most definitely flirting.

Oldbrook how did you sleep?

Teensandfuture Thu 15-Feb-18 18:24:01

oldbrook let this thread be the one you do proper NC and by the time it fills up , you in a much better happier place..you will be fine .I feel you gave it your all, you know what to do and care less this time round so it will be easier.

Basseting Thu 15-Feb-18 18:32:12

@Moving on up, Moving on up, Walking a mile away...."
Here I am again, in the company of some of the nicest people I can imagine .Thank the Lord for you lot, is all I can say. grin

anxiousnow Thu 15-Feb-18 18:58:06

Evening everyone and welcome to new posters. Agree, lurkers please post, no judgement here, just support.

Rhubarbginn Thu 15-Feb-18 19:07:36

Such inspiring ladies. Checking in with you all.
oldbrook I’m still in awe of you. Your my inspiration at the moment, as I think our situation is so similar. I’m hoping I can follow your lead. How are you feeling?
How is everyone else today? Has to be better than yesterday?
nk did you hear from your guy?

anxiousnow Thu 15-Feb-18 19:23:16

My dignity is on the floor. I text looks like for a third time blush asking about the big news he was waiting for. No reply. Our last convo was definitely continued by him. Craziness.

It is such a powerless feeling. You can't force someone to act decently.

Oldbrook Thu 15-Feb-18 19:37:19

Thank you so much for the lovely messages! You have no idea how much it helps to have this support.

I woke feeling a little ill but also a strong sense that it will be ok. This is the third time I’ve been here over the last 6 months and it’s so much better as I have grown stronger and have your support. The first time I was heartbroken and the second time didn’t have the tools to keep going. I was needy for approval too which I’m not any longer. I understand the cycle which I didn’t before. I also know I’ll be missed which helps, as he said I was the other times.

Onwards and upwards!

Now to hope this positive mood lasts at least a few hours

Oldbrook Thu 15-Feb-18 19:38:45

anxious that’s such an awful feeling isn’t it?

What will you do rhubarb?

Oldbrook Thu 15-Feb-18 19:45:05

I have to share one thing from our conversation. He asked if I was going to delete him from sm. I laughed and said ‘don’t be silly, I’m not that worked up.’

I did think about it but hiding will do for now.

Rhubarbginn Thu 15-Feb-18 19:49:10

I don’t know oldbrook. I want to break away. I know it is the best thing to do. As I know I’m stuck in the same cycle. I just don’t know if I’m there yet. But then I don’t even know what I’m waiting for.
I keep compromising myself and my own needs seem to get eroded away. Like you, he turns to me a lot. Values my opinion. I don’t rely on him the same way. But then there’s nothing else for me either. And I start to feel resentful towards him and then the anger comes. So I’m not sure why I’m finding it so hard to step away.confused

Rhubarbginn Thu 15-Feb-18 19:51:06

I also think he will be very effected by you calling time on if oldbrook. It’s completely taking back control. And it’s telling him that ‘I may like you, but you’re not so good it will be at any cost’.

Oldbrook Thu 15-Feb-18 19:59:08

rhubarb I think you have to go through the cycle a few times and recognise it for what it is then one day something will snap.

Earlier in the week I think it was teens who said something along the lines of ‘the story repeats itself’ when I talked about my situation and it was that realisation that made me do this

Rhubarbginn Thu 15-Feb-18 20:04:25

Yes you’re right. The story does repeat itself. It becomes a predictable pattern. Maybe we even find comfort in that in some strange way. But there has to come a point where positive action is taken. As if there’s no going back.

Rhubarbginn Thu 15-Feb-18 20:05:02

Do you think he will respect your wishes? And not contact you. Who will he turn to?

movingonforgood Thu 15-Feb-18 20:06:21

@Basseting @NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 @Oldbrook

Thank you...I'm working on it! 13 days of full no contact! This is the longest I have ever gone, and I am truly banking on having the strength to stay away. I don't understand the pull he has on me, but I acknowledge it is there. I miss the version of him I wanted him to be, I don't miss the version he truly was.

I don't know if this article helps any of you implementing NC, but it is helping me.

postmalesyndrome.com/does-he-miss-me-does-he-regret-what-he-did/

Stay strong lovelies! I am finding power in my silence..

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Thu 15-Feb-18 20:23:58

There is definitely power in silence Moving on and also a time to gather your thoughts.

Anxious so sorry there was no reply. It's really horrible of him to ignore you. Why is he doing that do you think?

Oldbrook I hope you continue to feel okay. Yes he will miss you but when you miss him just remember how you felt when he told you to go and sleep with other guys.

Rhubarb don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe you're not ready yet. As Oldbrook said maybe you need to experience the cycle a few times and then you can walk away.

In answer to your question. No I haven't heard a thing. Not sure what to do. Any words of wisdom?

Oldbrook Thu 15-Feb-18 20:34:17

nk my advice is give yourself permission to sit tight until next Tuesday then reassess then! It’s not so far away after all

I think how much I’m missed will depend on how things go with this new girl he’s dating. It doesn’t sound promising to me (3 dates in and she wants to go slow as he wants to move things along - for reasons that are outing he’s in a massive hurry to get into a relationship) but I am possibly projecting!

seshi Thu 15-Feb-18 20:36:02

Just checking in and sending you all lots of strength tonight... I have been super busy today so been distracted at work but know I will wake up tomorrow wishing it was six weeks ago and he was on his way to stay for the weekend. I keep reading your posts and I swear they are the only thing stopping me from sending yet another desperate and undignified text...thank you ladies...

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Thu 15-Feb-18 20:45:08

Oldbrook definitely doesn't sound promising. How long do you know him? Does he have kids and was he married before?

You mean give it a week and see? Yes good idea and I'll have no problem waiting as I've nothing constructive to say anyway. Had a chat to my Mum earlier today and she thinks I need to separate from stbxh asap as I have no feelings for him.

movingonforgood Thu 15-Feb-18 20:45:46

@seshi Don't do it! He isn't worth an undignified text, I can promise you that. It will only make you look bad. Let him feel what it's like without you. Total silence.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Thu 15-Feb-18 20:46:11

Keep reading and posting Seshi that's what we are here for

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