I'm really struggling to think how to articulate this. I don't want to be flamed by those who 'have no family support'/ have mothers who have died etc. But I am struggling a bit with my mum's attitude towards, well, most things! I think it's particularly difficult at the moment because I'm separated from DH, about to begin divorce proceedings (with a heavy heart tbh - I wanted to work on the relationship but he has a new girlfriend already under a year after leaving) and just need a bit of emotional and maybe even practical support. And she's upset me today.
So for context my DC are 5 (in year 1) and 21 months. Neither of them sleep through the night and I let them come into my bed as to be quite honest I find it easier, particularly given that I'm on my own with them. I also still bf the little one. If I ever say I'm tired (IN PASSING!) my mum will start with 'well it's your own fault they don't sleep...'
Today I have a heavy cold/fluey virus and she said she would come to take the toddler to a tumble tots-type group we usually do, supposedly to 'help' me - but tbh that group would have been the easiest part of my day (compared to entertaining her at home!) and they were out less than an hour so it wasn't a massive help - I don't want to sound ungrateful but I honestly think she just wanted to do something fun with DGD which is lovely, but it's annoying to dress it up as hugely helpful - if she'd kept her for another hour or so then maybe I could have rested or got something done...!
When I make a passing remark like when I'm thinking of starting DD in pre-school (I'm considering trying her in sept at age 2.5, mornings only, which will help as I work from home/freelance/around the kids which is a huge juggle) she says judgey things like 'is that really what you want? /She will miss you / she's not ready / they're only little once / of course, I actually ENJOY spending time with little ones, not everybody does...' (she was a teacher and she IS great with kids, I do something very different and much more solitary!)
Tbh I just constantly feel judged and it's not just me, if she sees a mum in a coffee shop with a toddler she doesn't like it as she thinks the mum should be with her toddler and not having coffee....! NB I do this all the time if I want a coffee and my DD loves babycinos - so sue me!
I just cannot take the judgement! Does anyone else know what I mean?!
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Controlling/over-invested/guilt-tripping mother!
13 replies
PenelopeChipShop · 22/01/2018 13:17
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