Feel lost and don't know what to do

[randomname635]

I don't have anyone I can talk to.
Things are so crap ATM with my relationship, and I don't want to leave but I feel so torn.
Maybe it is all my fault, I just feel like nothing will ever change. I don't want to feel like I'm on eggshells constantly anymore. Yes I make mistakes and do things wrong constantly, but I still don't like the reaction.
Sorry, I just wanted to vent, sorry for the vagueness :(

[QuinoaKeen]

Can you spend some time out of the house to think it through? Is counselling an option?

[Disquieted1]

You can not change anyone. Only they can do that.
What you can change is your reaction to their behaviour.

[Whyarealltheusernamestaken]

You need to describe what is wrong if you want help, the more specific the better

[randomname635]

I've been cohabiting with my partner for a few years now. We've had increasing arguments lately. Everything seems OK for a while, then it will happen again. Usually it is over household chores, or I've forgotten something. We both work full time, and there has been a lot of upheaval this year, so I know it is stressful. Moved house in the summer and there is a lot of work being done DIY wise, by us. There are other issues, but that is the recurring theme.
I don't always think of everything that needs doing, so it is my fault. I feel like I'm on eggshells thinking what I need to get done so I won't get shouted at.
What hurts me is how nasty he can be with me, I wouldn't treat him the same ever. It feels like a personal attack, swearing and shouting. When I get upset, he doesn't seem to care, although he is very emotional in a lot of other situations. It's like someone said in another thread, tears are seen as manipulation, when it really isn't. When I'm hurt, I cry.
My head is increasingly telling me to leave, and I am fighting it, with all my being. I've been in this situation before with an ex partner with anger issues, and I don't want to do it again, I don't want to be that person.
I am in a situation where I could just walk away, and to be honest I'd rather do that than get kicked out. I came so close yesterday, but I had no money on me to get anywhere.

[lanbro]

You shouldn't be walking on eggshells with someone who supposedly loves you. You sound like you know what you need to do but I also know it's not always that easy.

I put up with that sort of behaviour for a long time before finally leaving 2 months ago. The best thing I ever did. Keep talking on here and reading threads similar to your experiences, you will get there.

Remember, life is too short to be unhappy

[BattleCunt]

If you feel it's time to leave, then maybe you should listen to that. Start putting a plan together to do that, putting money aside etc. It sounds like you're both at breaking point.

[Aturkeyisnotjustforchristmas]

This is an abusive relationship and you need to lease ASAP. What you describe isn’t normal or good for you. He is an abuser, start planning right now to leave. 💐

[randomname635]

I feel like it's my fault for being in this situation again. I feel shamed :(
He has said he'd rather be just him and his child and struggle financially.
I am happy being alone, my only problem is my pets and finding somewhere that will accept them to rent. I won't leave them or rehome them, although I may have to fight to keep them.
I have some savings at the moment, should be enough for a deposit.
I really don't want to leave, I'm not a quitter :(

[jaffacake2]

You are implying that you would see it as a weakness if you left "I am not a quitter ". Its a sign of strength and courage to decide to leave an abusive relationship. He is being abusive to you making you walk on eggshells and shouting at you. Why should you stay and be affected this way emotionally ?
Could family help out with your pets for a while ?

[randomname635]

My sister is allergic and my parents already have pets that wouldn't get along with them.
I have secretly rented with pets, but I don't really want to do it again. Sods law I'd get caught. I've seen a little cottage not far from my sister's, but it says no pets :(

[category12]

Make an enquiry with the estate agent anyway, sometimes the landlord will be flexible. The worst that can happen is they say no.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I'm not a quitter
Well you bloomin' well should be in this situation.
What will you be quitting?
A life of abuse and misery!
That's something worth quitting over.
Time for you.
You should NEVER feel like you are walking on eggshells.
Please start making inquiries into renting somewhere that accepts pets.
This is NO way to live your one and only life and you know it.
It's not about quitting.
It's about getting yourself back and getting away from abusive, angry, asshole men!!!!
Be strong - take back control of YOUR life.
Sod him. He's vile to you.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

A quitter! Well, that bonkers statement right there shows how you ended up in another abusive relationship. Have you done the Freedom Programme yet?

Quitting is clearly a big deal for you so how about you look at it differently? Right now you are quitting all the good things and holding tight to all the bad things.

Right now you are quitting having self-respect. You are quitting on enforcing boundaries. You are quitting on standing up for yourself.

Being abused isn't a badge of honour. Staying in a relationship no matter what isn't an aspirational goal, a thing to be proud of! Where on earth did you get such mad ideas about relationships?

A good relationship brings out the best in both people, it feels warm and comforting.

[randomname365]

I've really tried to stick with it, but I'm not happy. I feel crap, like I can't do anything right. And he said a certain thing was a good idea, but now is having a go at me for going ahead with it! (and I can't back out)
My finances are terrible (debts) but I've figured out I can afford to go it alone. I'm facing bankruptcy, but apparently I'm a bad person for going down that route, I should pay every penny back (which I can't afford).
This morning I've messaged an estate agent about a different place just around the corner from my sister, it looks really nice. I'd probably have to give my car up, but it's walkable or easily bikable to work.
Hopefully they'll get back to me with good news.
I'd rather be a mad cat lady for the rest of my life to be honest lol
It's just gonna be a nightmare going through this, I literally have nothing, we amalgamated all our stuff a few years back, so I have no furniture of my own really. I don't want to ask my parents to bail me out again. They helped me out massively when I moved out last time.
I really want to talk to someone, I'm so tempted to message my sister, but I'm scared of doing it. Everyone thinks everything is OK.
And it seems so final.