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What to do?

(11 Posts)
mumofplenty1 Tue 05-Dec-17 09:50:05

I didn't know where to post.... I have 4 wonderful children from my ex and been in a new relationship for 2 years everything was fine at first. Kids loved my partner and he put a lot of effort in now 2 years down the line and living together we found out that I'm expecting his first child and it's gone down hill. Partner is scared as he never thought of being a dad to a newborn (his only had step kids from age of 3 upwards) he said that having sex is taboo and now doesn't feel comfortable with it and has become distant. It may be my hormones and I'm just being silly but he comes home from work and goes straight on his pad and has a good chat with friends on Facebook etc and I'm sat there waiting for conversation. One of his names on a site is 'going thru hell'. If it's that bad why doesn't he leave or does he have it too comfortable here. He has even now got snapchat etc which I'm suspicious about wondering why now? My partner has weekends off and I hate them (I don't work). He expects my kids to be quiet and always asks my kids to fetch him things like is pop or his shoes if he is popping out and my littles ones do it!! I've told him to get them himself but he doesn't. Then my 7 year old told me today that he likes weekdays as it's just me, he doesn't like my partner shouting at him to sit still or be quiet and that he always has to get things for him (my partner even shouts them from downstairs to get his pop from the kitchen). We have come from an abusive relationship and I always said to myself that my kids will come first but now I'm doubting myself. Do I talk to my partner and tell him what my 7yr old said. I don't know what to do my partner doesn't use violence which I love but obviously my kids are not happy. Can someone advise me please and tell me if I'm being over sensitive or not!!

juddyrockingcloggs Tue 05-Dec-17 09:56:22

Read what you've said and then pretend it was one of your friends saying it to you...

What would you advise her?

A boyfriend of mine would shout and treat my children as skivvies once and once only.

AtrociousCircumstance Tue 05-Dec-17 10:04:44

He's a wanker. Free yourself and do not inflict this prick on your kids a moment longer.

You're not being over-sensitive, if anything you are minimising. Your 7 year old is being very wise and truthful here, listen to him.

Moanyoldcow Tue 05-Dec-17 10:18:11

He sounds awful. Plus behaviour like this starting whilst you're pregnant is a big red flag. Was the baby planned?

inlectorecumbit Tue 05-Dec-17 10:31:06

Your poor DC's. They are not happy and have to come first.
Tell your DP to leave and then decide about your pregnancy. Are you prepared to go it alone?

mumofplenty1 Tue 05-Dec-17 10:47:23

No the baby wasn't planned. It was a miracle. He said he was ready to be a dad to start off with then he said he has second thoughts. I told him in keeping the baby and if he didn't want it he could leave. He is slowly coming round to the idea. He enjoyed looking at the scan photo

Moanyoldcow Tue 05-Dec-17 11:02:38

In what way was it a miracle?

juddyrockingcloggs Tue 05-Dec-17 11:27:16

He enjoyed looking at the scan photo

He enjoys treating your children like shit too. I'm sorry but they come first, especially after having an abusive home life prior to this relationship. Get rid of him, he's no good for your children and they're clearly not happy.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 05-Dec-17 11:27:56

Then my 7 year old told me today that he likes weekdays as it's just me, he doesn't like my partner shouting at him to sit still or be quiet and that he always has to get things for him (my partner even shouts them from downstairs to get his pop from the kitchen)

You said you wanted to put your DC first. Re-read the above...

Partner is scared as he never thought of being a dad to a newborn

That may well be true but it's got nothing to do with him shouting at your children and ordering them around. Sorry, but I don't think he's ready to be a dad to any kid of any age, selfish man.

I always said to myself that my kids will come first but now I'm doubting myself

Why are you doubting yourself? What's so great about this bloke that you don't mind your kids being unhappy?

Anonagain2017 Tue 05-Dec-17 12:35:08

You said you have come from an abusive relationship..... this one is going down the same road. Please have a long think about getting rid of him. You've only been together a short time really and he's already behaving like this. Try to imagine it in another 10 years!!!!

oneggshellsallthetime Tue 05-Dec-17 14:30:34

I think you need to set down some rules regarding your own children being used like skivvies, if they're not being asked if they could help but told to. That's if you want to continue having him live with you. But the fact your son only likes it when he's not there does speak volumes and I think you should listen and think hard.

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