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First Christmas after separation

6 replies

user1493423934 · 03/12/2017 04:58

Separated from now ex in September, now sorting out access to children (he has finally found somewhere to live, been bunking in with DS).
Ex is insisting on 50/50 acess and we have been working out days over Xmas/NY etc.
I'm feeling really sad! he will have them the weekend before Xmas (will come to my mums with me on Xmas eve, spend Xmas day with my family) ex also has them week between Xmas and NY, and then for a week 12 - 18 January (Ex taking them on holiday suspect OW will also be there ). I know ex has every right to and is being reasonable etc but I realised I'm going to be so frigging lonely! i'm going to miss them so much! everyone else I know has DH's and DC's so will be spending time with them, so don't want to crash in, and I realised I have no single friends to hang out with.
Such a hard time of the year to get used to these access agreements. Especially weekend before Xmas - we do all our Xmas baking prep etc, and between xmas and NY go to beach a lot (it's summer where I live). I know I shouldn't complain - a lot of dad's are useless and I'm lucky to have an ex who is dependable and wants to spend time with the children, but I'm still a little sad. I'm dreading it! have some jobs to do round the house and trying to keep busy but still. Anyone else in the same boat?

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Bosabosa · 03/12/2017 05:09

Hello! Am in the uk so gotta get back to sleep but just to say I have had friends in v similar circumstances and from what they tell me it does get better and you do find different things to do and people to do them with when you haven’t the kids. It takes a while and takes effort sometimes . But the first xmas is def the worst (even if you have the kids more than you do, it is still the first xmas without parents together which pretty much sucks for the kids). Making xmas holidays as different as possible to before is a good tip- create different traditions, be in different places. So kids can’t easily compare to previous years. Hope it gets better OP , am sure it will. Main thing is having two parents who care for the kids. If I were you , i would keep as busy as possible and I would bite the bullet and see if friends will have you over . Am sure most friends would only be too happy to have a friend to chat with over xmas holidays -you never know. Good luck , must get to bed!

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Cupoteap · 03/12/2017 05:19

It will be horrible - there's no getting away from that. Plan some things in, nights out, shopping, meeting friends. Don't just stay at home on your own.

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queencerulean · 03/12/2017 08:35

I’m currently separated too and have been for 6 weeks. I’m utterly dreading Xmas. We keep talking about it but haven’t yet decided what to do. As he had an affair though I’ve pretty much told him that although he will see the kids he had to accept that they will spend more time with me. I didn’t cause this devastation to our lives.
Luckily my parents will be around so any time the kids are with him I won’t be alone. I would just go easy on yourself. If you spend a day sobbing on the sofa then so be it. Be kind to yourself.

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Mum4Fergus · 03/12/2017 08:48

I'm 4yrs down the line now...first Christmas was hellish, but then so was Birthday, anniversary, Easter etc etc. BUT it does get easier. We now have a near 50/50 split but built up to it gradually which helped. And now that DS is older he is given the option of where he wants to spend special occasions (its usually with me!)...

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user1493423934 · 03/12/2017 08:56

Thanks for all your replies. I think in some ways I'm luckier than him as I have family around here - I can stay on at my mums after Xmas for a few days - and he has no family here at all but does have friends and OW. I'm trying to plan/organise things - finishing painting kitchen, staining the patio (I know very exciting !) My one friend who has no DC I was going to try and catch up I just remembered is going to Hong Kong. Its just hard going out places in the sun, beach etc where there will be families everywhere - I'll feel a pang knowing I'm missing out on stuff.
Is it mean of me to hope the DC are really naughty for him? te he.

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user1493423934 · 06/12/2017 04:46

Arghh. DS1 just found out he's spending less time at Nana's (leaving boxing day to go to dad and just had a massive strop. This isn't going to get any easier is it?