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BBC Article on Gaslighting and coercive relationships

(5 Posts)
TheHodgeoftheHedge Wed 29-Nov-17 14:54:09

Thought some of you might find this interesting and I hope that others find it illuminating.

mickhucknallspinkpancakes Wed 29-Nov-17 15:17:37

Yes it's chilling isn't it?

My ex was the master of this, lying and gaslighting.

One prime example was the day I found a receipt whilst cleaning under the sofa. It was for £900, but the store name was very faint.

We had a new born dc and very little money (he never shared his salary details just gave towards the bills) so I asked him what it was for.

He blew up in my face, called me a nosy bitch, and that's why nice things never happened to me, because I was so nosy and awful I didn't deserve them. I had ruined the surprise and he'd never forgive me for that.....

I stood there with a blank face...what surprise?

He told me it was the deposit for an engagement ring he was having made for me, but now I'd ruined it.

I was so ashamed of myself I felt awful for weeks afterwards. I was too afraid to mention any discussion of engagement because I'd hurt him so much.

Anyhow a few months later I was sorting out some paperwork and came across it again in my paper-tray where I kept it (he scrunched it up and threw it at me)

I used a phone to photograph the store name and blew it up on screen to find out the store. I was curious as to where he went and which store it was as it never appeared.

I googled the store and it turned out it was a dive shop, selling wetsuits etc.

He'd basically spent £900 on himself whilst I kept a roof over our heads, and then when I found out tried to beat me down with guilt and bad feeling.

It worked until I found the store. When I confronted him, he said yes, it was all a very funny joke apparently. And just laughed in my face.

Sick sick sick.

QueenAravisOfArchenland Wed 29-Nov-17 16:48:48

Yes, that's a chilling article. What an unbelievably manipulative man.

Mooncuplanding Wed 29-Nov-17 17:52:24

My ex has a new girlfriend

I don't feel the usual/normal pangs of jealousy/inquisitiveness, I simply feel pity and hope that she doesn't get herself in too deep

mickhucknallspinkpancakes Thu 30-Nov-17 06:52:36

I know @Mooncuplanding - you want to scream "run away!".

But inevitably you know you've been painted as a lunatic bitch and it's best to say nothing.

My STBEXH has a lovely girlfriend - we met accidentally with them and my friend said afterwards "ah, he's got another vulnerable one then...."

It's been around 2 years for them so by my timeline the charming Ott mask will start to slip soon. She has a child so I hope she protects them both. sad

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