Ex Partner still trying to control me

[Daisy3174]

I split with my partner of 25 years 10 months ago, it was always an abusive, violent relationship, in many ways.When I first asked him to leave, after he did something bad, he sat out in the car and tried to kill himself.Ever since he has left, he has access to his 11 year old, twice a week at my home, as my son will not leave the house with him, so the ex has to come here.Everytime he comes, he wants to know where I am going.He keeps saying I am having men in my house, which is rubbish.The final straw last week, he came pointing in my face calling me a dirty sl** because I wouldn't tell him everywhere I go.This carried on for about an hour.He said he will have people watching my home to see if any men come there (I recorded this with my phone)He constantly sends texts to his sons phone threatening social services because he thinks I have a man here.I told him yesterday to phone them in front of me if he is concerned but he won't.He said if I ever get a new boyfriend he will kill him.This is just the tip of the iceberg, I just want to know, is there anyway I can stop him behaving like this, it's not fair on my son or me, it's making me ill, I just need to recover from the hell he put me through, but he is still doing it.Thankyou in advance for any advice.

[Racmactac]

Yes tell him that due to his behaviour you are stopping contact and he is no longer welcome at your home. If he doesn’t like it then he will have to go to court to see your son.

If he continues to turn up at the house or makes threats call the police. Also go see Solicitor and get a non molestation order against him.

[ElspethFlashman]

You need to contact the police about his threats.

You need to get a protective order barring him from your home.

You need to tell social services about the abusive behavior in front of his child and the detrimental effect this is having on your son in his own home.

Document, document, document.

[JaneEyre70]

Yes make immediate contact with the helpdesk at Social Services. He sounds unhinged and you don't have to put up with that in your own home, let alone expose your son to it.

[Iooselipssinkships]

Stop contact between ex and DS. He is not being a good parent while emotionally and verbally abusing you. Who's to say he won't become violent again?
This is a police matter. You need to make a report OP. You really really do. Tell them what you've told us and explain you're worried for yours and DS welfare.

[Daisy3174]

The thing is he is a compulsive liar, although I have most of the texts and managed to record his admission.My son is profoundly deaf so hears no arguing, but he knows by expressions that there is conflict, he also suffers anxiety the poor mite.And I'm worried about dragging my boy through the courts.Thankyou for all your messages I didn't realise I could report this

[hellsbellsmelons]

Contact Womans Aid for advice on this.
They will have contacts for local support services in the area.
Stop having him at our house.
Could you use a contact centre so he has no access to you at all?
Give WA call as a first stop.
Keep trying - they will be busy though.

[OliviaBenson]

Rather that worrying about dragging your son through the courts worry about the long term effects of contact on him.

Stop contact now.

[PashPash]

he also suffers from anxiety

Contact with That bullying wanker is the reason he suffers from anxiety

^there fixed that sentence for you

[Maelstrop]

If the contact isn’t court ordered, stop it immediately.

[Daisy3174]

Thankyou all, I got legal advice regarding this matter.I have been advised to write a letter of warning to my ex partner, as long as I think it's safe to, with a written response required agreeing to stop all of this behaviour.If there is one more incident, then to stop contact and obtain an immediate injunction.I don't think there is any getting through to someone who doesn't think they have to abide by rules, but I am in the process of preparing the letter now