I'm in a new relationship after escaping an abusive marriage. I'm only in my early thirties but got married young so, really, this is only my third "proper" relationship (I moved in with someone for a few months before I met ex-h).
I'm really struggling. He is absolutely lovely and very kind, very laid back - the complete opposite of my ex. He knows about the abuse and has been really supportive.
However, things happen and I'm struggling to know if I'm being unreasonable in my reaction. I don't know if my judgement is skewed or I'm somehow very immature as a partner (last time I had a boyfriend I was 18, so that's my measure).
For example, he mentions his ex sometimes - as in things they did together, places they went etc. Once, quite early on, he mentioned something they tried sexually which really pissed me off. He said at the time that he'd said it because he thought I was quite open sexually and was trying to sound adventurous. I've struggled to get that out of my head. To the point that it will just come to mind out of nowhere and almost poisons my thoughts - we can be having a lovely time and I'll just become foul and can't shake it.
He also called me another ex's name, whilst out somewhere. Sounds ridiculous and it's such a small thing but this has been stuck in my head and I feel like I've convinced myself that he's still in love with someone else. She's better than me. She looks a bit like me but prettier etc. They went on a date to a certain unusual sporting event and every time he mentions that sport I just feel sad. I know this sounds insane!
Everything he does, everything he says I feel like I'm watching for similarities with my ex. When we first started dating, before I fell in love with him, I was fun and pretty carefree. The more I've got into it, the more I think I've gone into some sort of weird state of mind. I've become quite depressed and find it hard to relax and have a laugh. I feel like I'm just waiting for it all to go wrong and I know it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
I don't know what I'm posting for really, other than that I can't find a therapist and I don't have many friends and certainly no one I can talk to about this. I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences and if you've managed to get through it?
I'm not sure I can ever be happy and I feel so angry and upset with my ex all over again for still having this control over my life
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Relationships
New relationship after very abusive marriage
11 replies
LyraIsLost · 17/11/2017 21:22
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