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Am I wrong ? Saying to walk away

(12 Posts)
starmadgirl Sat 11-Nov-17 18:07:42

Ok here goes - so boyf started a new job last June. The co have had money problems since he started. Delayed pay, salary here and there etc but he's stayed coz he likes them, he's good at what he does, good relationship with them etc
It's got progressively worse financially
He's been paid nothing since August
The company are awaiting contracts with apparently are coming
But we have had so much stress it's causing me anxiety, I feel stressed, and I can't really talk to my partner as when I do he feels torn as I know he really wants it to work
Anyway we were saving for a house
We have the deposit with what he is owed but as he hasn't been paid we've no chance of getting a mortgage any time soon
So we are thinking of moving in wth parents for 6m to save the deposit up again
But I've basically said I will only do that if he finds another job
He said I'm giving him an ultimatum but I don't think it's fair to move in and just let him think I think it's ok to not get paid and not save any money in the process ?!
We will have it back in 6m if they don't end up paying but he's working it all out on still getting paid
He can't see why it's unsettling me and I feel like I'm telling him what to do which I hate
Please can someone talk to me
We argue when I try talk to him
And don't really have anyone I can talk to
Thank you x

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sat 11-Nov-17 18:10:25

On paper he isn't good mortgage material. He needs to sort his wages or ditch the job I agree.

TrojansAreSmegheads Sat 11-Nov-17 18:12:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 11-Nov-17 18:13:34

You can't tell him what to do.

You can't point out that you can't save because he isn't bringing in a wage.

You can point out that you won't move in with your parents so he can choose to work without pay.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 11-Nov-17 18:20:19

You can point out that you can't save because he isn't bringing in a wage.

tribpot Sat 11-Nov-17 18:21:57

So he's been paid twice by this company? Once in July, once in August? There is no long history with this company that might suggest his trust is well founded and they will ultimately come good.

You're not giving him an ultimatum, you're stating the consequences of his actions. If he stays at the firm and you move in with your parents, you will have saved the deposit courtesy of your parents, whilst he has continued to work for nothing.

I'd question how he sees the money working when/if you do buy a house together. Are you going to budget based solely on your income being reliable? In which case you might as well buy a house based on your own salary alone. How is the mortgage meant to get paid if his salary isn't being paid for months on end? (Indeed how is he paying his living expenses now, do you live together? Are you subsidising him?)

I'd maybe agree a date by which the company have to have paid him or he looks for another job. If he doesn't agree to that, he's just a poor financial risk for you and I wouldn't think about setting up home with him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 11-Nov-17 18:24:01

If he expects to get paid why is he suggesting you move back with your parents?

Does he really expect you to pay all of the living expenses for both of you and then take a drop in standard of living so that you can pay his half of the deposit for him? And he doesn't understand why you are upset?

Why don't you have anyone you can talk to?

starmadgirl Sat 11-Nov-17 18:33:01

To confirm he started the job in June 2016. He has had no pay since this August...nothing.
He works weekends as a lorry driver so he is surviving- just - on that income
We don't live together
I rent and work part time
The plan is we move into his mums as I would then save on my rent and bills
He is basing it on worse case scenario i.e. The company goes under and he gets nothing
We can then save deposit in 6m if he goes full time on the lorries
If his company do pay then we have more deposit
Just don't have many friends that's all x

starmadgirl Sat 11-Nov-17 18:37:03

I wouldn't be subsidising him
If anything, he would be me as I'm only part time - I earn enough to cover my small rent and bills but only just
He still plans to work - his company IF they pay or lorries
And going to his mum will just mean we can save a deposit quicker
I'm just seeing if I'm being unreasonable
By the replies I'm not - I don't feel I am but jus wanted some advice

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 11-Nov-17 18:42:50

In that case don't move to his mum's.

Continue being financially independent. Wait and see what happens with his work. When it is settled then decide what moves to make.

He should move in with his mum until his work becomes reliable but you should stay where you are for now.

I definitely wouldn't be trying to speed up moving in together if you can't talk about finances without it ending up in a row.

Take your time. See how it pans out.

NewIdeasToday Sat 11-Nov-17 18:44:46

Why are you only working part time if you’re serious about saving and getting a mortgage?

starmadgirl Sat 11-Nov-17 19:14:57

Well I do work full time but I only earn a part time wage as I go to university part time along side my job. I finish next year, then I will go full time as my company pay a god wage and all my fees
I am serious about it, hence why I go to uni and work, I jus can't save that much on my own as it all goes on rent bills and living etc z

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