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This isn't a big deal is it?

(11 Posts)
Wishicouldfastforward Sat 11-Nov-17 06:11:57

I know this must sound trivial but it's ruined my sleep so I've probably lost any sense of proportionality.

I've been stupid. ExH was helpful with an admin task (for my benefit). He got a form, filled in his part, gave to me. I misplaced the bloody thing. Didn't tell him as thought I'd find it. But have searched high and low and can't.

There are no consequences of the delay yet but I'm going to have to own up. Wish I'd told him straight away. I've let him believe it's done which is basically lying. I've buried my head in the sand like an idiot. What is a normal amount of worry?

Beowulf007 Sat 11-Nov-17 06:37:11

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ausparent Sat 11-Nov-17 06:42:01

Text him now. Then you have told him and you can stop worrying about it! I am sure the worst he will say or do will not make you feel worse than the sorting you are currently doing!

SerendipityFelix Sat 11-Nov-17 06:47:53

This wouldn’t be a big deal to me either - especially if you go with the ‘I told a white lie, because I was ashamed to admit I misplaced it and thought I’d find it, but it really is lost now, so I need to ask you to fill your part again”. You’re only asking him to fill a bit of a bloody form in, it’s not like it’s a particularly arduous task for most competent adults to complete. Perhaps if it involved physical exertion or inconvenience for him (travel, time, cost) then your worry would be justifiable. Asking for him to write on a bit of paper? Meh, it’s a non issue.

This is your ex husband - there is a back story here, and reasons why your relationship broke down which are probably informing your feelings on asking him for assistance, and your fear of his reaction at your ‘failure’ (note: I do not think losing a form is a failure. Bits of paper get lost. It’s what they do). Would you feel this way if it was a work colleague, your best friend or your Mum you had to ask this favour of again?

Wishicouldfastforward Sat 11-Nov-17 07:03:46

I wouldn't mind at all if I had to ask someone else or if it was the other way round. Thanks for comments. I was thinking about searching again but it's probably time to call it quits.

Yes it's difficult leaving behind the dynamic of the old relationship but things are very civil, he probably won't be bothered.

I've let it grow in my head, I'll have a cup of tea and then text. It's probably one of those things where I'll wonder why I was so worried.

sooperdooper Sat 11-Nov-17 07:06:11

Just fess up, could you pick up another copy of the form and complete your part so he doesn't need to do that bit again?

TheWorldIsMyCakePop Sat 11-Nov-17 07:28:08

No it's not a big deal, but I can see why you feel like this. i'm sure the right approach is honesty but I'd probably go for... I followed up with xxx if document have been received and they haven't - must have got lost in the post, I've got a new one blah blah....

Wishicouldfastforward Sat 11-Nov-17 07:55:59

Called him, apologised. Done! We had a normal adult conversation! smile

TheWorldIsMyCakePop Sat 11-Nov-17 14:59:34

Wow, that's amazing. We're 8 years post split and can't really be in the same room mostly cause he's still a twat every time he opens his mouth

Runlovingmummy81 Sat 11-Nov-17 15:07:06

Cakepop..... I was thinking similar and I'm only 2 years post split lol

Wishicouldfastforward Sat 11-Nov-17 15:26:45

He behaved like he hated me for a year. Then things started to thaw and we are in this odd friendly place.
It's good but also sad. Better than hostility of course.
We've a way to go yet with the financial settlement/divorce!!

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