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Q; If you had been together for 7 months

(25 Posts)
Kamaji Mon 06-Nov-17 21:47:54

And hadn't had sex in 2.5 months what would you think?

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 06-Nov-17 21:48:45

I would think that's the way it was going to be, tbh.

What's his response to it?

ScaryMonstersAndSuoerCreeps Mon 06-Nov-17 21:49:04

I would be asking why!

EasterRobin Mon 06-Nov-17 21:53:14

I would decide how important sex was to me in a relationship. And whether the other person made me so happy it didn't matter.

Kamaji Mon 06-Nov-17 21:55:15

She just says she is tired or doesn't feel well. It was my birthday a few weeks back and she was hinting then when it came to the night she said her period had started. But I never saw any pads being used after that first night.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Mon 06-Nov-17 21:58:19

Do you watch her in the bathroom?hmm

Aside from that I don’t think she wants to have sex with you. Most people are at it like rabbits in the first flush of a new relationship.

Kamaji Mon 06-Nov-17 22:04:33

No, of course I don't. I'm a woman too so I know how many pads we have in the bathroom because I use them aswell!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Mon 06-Nov-17 22:05:50

So you’re living together? That’s very early on in a relationship.

TammyswansonTwo Mon 06-Nov-17 22:07:05

How do you know she uses pads? She might have a mooncup. I find it a little concerning that you're keeping an eye on her consumption of sanitary wear.

I'd say there is an issue, but could be anything - generally low sex drive, medication, medical problems, pain, infection, not interested....

Only way to know is to ask what's going on.

TammyswansonTwo Mon 06-Nov-17 22:07:52

Ah okay, that makes more sense I guess.

Anyway, as I say, could be a host of reasons really

Kamaji Mon 06-Nov-17 22:09:48

What? I know she doesn't have a mooncup because we buy pads together. And we were down to about 3 in a pack and she said she started so I thought 'fuck we better get more in, I'm due in a few day's and she never used the others

So my point is I think she fibbed about being on, which made me sad as I don't want her to feel she has to do that.

TammyswansonTwo Mon 06-Nov-17 22:17:54

I wouldn't jump to conclusions - she may be having health issues (that's what has caused dry sepells in my relationships) or any number of other things. It's concerning that she's not talking to you about it though.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Mon 06-Nov-17 22:20:08

hmm she may have found some in another handbag. She may have bought more. She may have had a very short period. There are numerous reasons that could apply.

There is obviously a problem youre living together after only 7 months, not having any sex and “we buy our pads together” just sounds so odd.

Kamaji Mon 06-Nov-17 22:25:54

I don't know why that's odd. We do the shopping together so why would it be odd to buy our pads when we are both at Tesco getting the weekly shop.

Mumsnet focuses on the weirdest shit!

MsHarveySpecter Mon 06-Nov-17 22:27:40

I'd think it wasn't working

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Mon 06-Nov-17 22:30:06

Have you considered it’s being focused on because it’s weird to state you know exactly how many pads someone has used on their period?

You can’t seem to comprehend that she could have sourced some pads from somewhere else.

Mustang27 Mon 06-Nov-17 22:38:48

If you were a bloke checking her pads I’d say weird but because you both use the same things I get why you noticed. As long as that’s why you noticed. My abusive ex used to look for my sanitary products to see if I was on so I’m a bit sensitive about it. Any way back to the problem at hand.... what was it like at the start has it gradually got less? Is there other stuff going on that could suggest what’s really causing the lack of sexual intimacy?

hamburgers Mon 06-Nov-17 22:51:46

If she’s not having sex with you, then she’s just not that in to you.

Sorry OP sad 7 months in you should be ripping each others’ clothes off still

HeddaGarbled Mon 06-Nov-17 22:53:47

7 months is still just dating really isn't it? Maybe reaching the point where you might start to think of it as a serious relationship and that it might be the real thing. Yet you seem to be living together and the sex has died a death like a couple who've been together for much much longer.

The period/sanitary pad thing is a distraction from the important issue.

It's time to have a very open and honest, non-accusatory talk with her and to do some serious thinking about whether this relationship is worth persevering with. I think probably no, but that's up to you when you've found out why she doesn't want to have sex.

NamasteNiki Mon 06-Nov-17 22:54:05

Lesbian bed death? Or is 7 months too soon?

Are you intimate in other ways? Cuddling etc?

Hateloggingin Mon 06-Nov-17 22:59:39

What is 'lesbian bed death'??

NamasteNiki Mon 06-Nov-17 23:02:30

Lesbian bed death is a term coined by University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz in her 1983 book American Couples.According to Schwartz, lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple, and they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts.

My gay friends have mentioned it.

Not sure if they were serious about it being a thing or not.

Apparently female gay couples have less sex than any other group.

KingMortificadosMistress Mon 06-Nov-17 23:36:34

No idea about lesbian death bed but no sex for 2.5 months sounds objectively like a long time.
Add in a relationship that is only 7 months long, you've been not having sex for over a quarter of it.
I'd say she doesn't really want to have sex with you - it maybe because she has a low sex drive, it maybe because she's depressed/feeling ill/ feeling a bit fat, it maybe because she likes you but don't really fancy you or it maybe because she's actually asexual and in denial.

Who knows?

But if sex is important to you, I think you need to discuss it and probably end this relationship.

ShatnersWig Tue 07-Nov-17 08:28:32

Get out now if you want any form of regular sex life (by which token I would say at least twice a month). It won't get any better.

Sentimentallentil Tue 07-Nov-17 08:33:54

I apologise if it’s been asked upthread but are you living together after 7 months? Maybe the speed at which it’s all going has overwhelmed her and she’s trying to slow things down.
Does she seem as into you in other ways?

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