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Feel like my friends don't make an effort with me

(13 Posts)
Vari757 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:20:09

I'm feeling a bit down today after seeing that my friend had went to an event over the weekend that was right up my street and I would have loved but she didnt even tell me she was going. Another one of my friends does similar things, she has never popped round for a catch up or asked me how I am but talks about herself constantly. Also, in the same weekend a friend who lives abroad travelled home for a visit but didnt even tell me.

Is it me or is this just life in your late 20s compared to 18-22?

Vari757 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:58:13


Poshindevon Wed 01-Nov-17 11:05:14

Frankly I dont think these people are friends at all.
I dont know your circumstances but you need to go out and meet people who are like minded and enjoy doing things together. Dont expect people to come to you, make an effort to invite people.

meowimacat Wed 01-Nov-17 11:05:38

It can be harder with friends. But do you also keep in touch with them? How often to you chat with them? It's a two way thing. Invite them to something...or go out and get a hobby and make new friends...I'm 32, a single mum, living in an area where i know nobody and this year i've made a load of new friends. I'm still working on making more but sometimes as we grow older we grow apart from old friends and have to get out there again.

Vari757 Wed 01-Nov-17 11:13:10

We keep in touch regularly on a group chat and I do invite them to things but they mostly just say no or are busy... fustrates me as we have all been close friends for over a decade

meowimacat Wed 01-Nov-17 14:31:06

Ditch them and get new friends. I guarantee when they start seeing you hanging out with other people they'll come crawling back. But as time goes on people change so it's good to get out there and start meeting other people, and I'm sure they are doing the same

Timmytoo Wed 01-Nov-17 14:37:50

I have exactly the same problem. This has happened my whole life so I’ve only really had one or two friends who I’ve known for years but we don’t live near each other but really far.

Nobody invites me anywhere, if I arrange anything it usually falls through. When I went to go trvekking only me, one work colleague and my fiancé attended our farewell sad. Now I’m back and nobody has even bothered to see me. I lived in the UK for ten years and only had aquaintance type friends through work.

It’s really hard I feel like I’m not good enough to hang out with. Now I’ve come to terms with it just being us forever and I will never truly have a proper friend.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Wed 01-Nov-17 14:47:38

You need new friends OP.

Vari757 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:14:23

It's quite hard to make friends as an adult though isnt it? I work with 97% men and while lovely guys, I don't know if their wives would appreciate me asking them out for meals/drinks.
Sorry that happened Timmytoo that sucks sad

JapaneseTea Wed 01-Nov-17 19:08:38

With friendship, like anything, you get out what you put in. Think about how you are as a person, are you fun, do you ask about them, recall what they’ve said etc?

Make yourself enthusiastic and enjoy Life and people will want to be friends with you.
It’s a bit like fishing, cast your net wide.

Then the tricky part is making sure the new people want to be your friends so after a while make sure dates / meet ups are reciprocal. If not, then don’t take it personally, but make more effort with new people.

I would say, I have been friendly and nice to 30 people, invited those around, then gone out with maybe ten, but actually two of them regularly invite me places and are now my friends. It’s a numbers game too.

Thinkingofausername1 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:34:20

I’ve been feeling like this for a while. I thought I was paranoid, until they forgot something we that was already arranged. So I’m quite down and feel people choose others over me.

MinnieMinchkin Wed 01-Nov-17 19:47:54

I feel like this with my friends at times, but the fact is that as we've got older we've developed more and more other commitments like partners, aging parents and in-laws, work, houses that need work, kids, other friends & hobbies. I sometimes realise that I failed to get in touch with someone as I forgot that they would like whatever it was, or lived near where I was going, or I wouldn't have had time to see them that visit. So, I can't get upset with others who can't prioritise me over visiting their mum in hospital or comforting another friend having a hard time..,

Reflexella Wed 01-Nov-17 20:29:27

Keep your friends pool fresh, meet new people - salsa, evening class, hockey whatever really then the stale ones get left behind x

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