Hi there i found out a few weeks ago that my DP had been having an affair with a work colleague. It was a short affair approx 8 weeks and only stopped because i found out. I am absolutely heartbroken and finding it hard to deal with it all.
We seperated for a few weeks but i decided to try give things another chance. I have a few reasons for this. The first reason is i feel like i played a part in driving DP to the affair. Now i in no way condone his behaviour and I know it was his decision to make that choice. But our relationship has been going downhill the past year and a half. We grew apart and both grew resentful of each other. We were both nasty towards each other and I had been thinking of leaving him. I think i had fallen out of love with him, paid him no attention and really was not bothered with him and prefered when he was not around.
We talked about all our problems and admitted that we were both very unhappy and both only stayed together for the sake of our DD who is 6. Anyway since this has all happened I realised that i really do love my DP and that i had not fell out of love with him we just grew apart. He also feels the same. He is very remorseful of the affair and says he regrets it. He has been doing everything to try and show me that he can change and that we can fix our issues and has begged me to give him a chance to make things right. I have told him i am not sure that we will stay together as i find it very hard to get past his affair and i feel so much anger towards him.
We have been to counselling together and this has helped. The other reason i have for giving him another chance is that i too had an affair a few years ago when i first got together with my DP before things got serious and long before our DD was born ( I know this does not excuse anything ). I do not know why i did this as there was no problems in our relationship at the time. My affair was also with a work colleague. The affair lasted a few months before it sizzled out and my partner has no idea of this affair.
My DP has said he realises how much he loves me when he realised what he has to lose and wants to make things work. He has said this is a wake up call for him and i feel the same. We used to be so close and get on so well and if we could get through that we would both be so happy again. He has promised that he will never cheat again and if he feels unhappy like he did before the affair started he will speak to me and we will sort out the issues. He knows having an affair was not the way to deal with things.
Many say people say once a cheater always a cheater but i have only cheated once and i know i would never do it again and i hope my DP feels the same.
But i am so hurt from his affair and i am finding it hard to put it behind me. Does anybody have any advice or what would you do in this situation?
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Would you forgive if you feel you were half the cause of the affair?
18 replies
HumptyDumpty9 · 30/10/2017 14:46
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