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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does he have more feelings than friendship?

16 replies

oldfool3 · 26/10/2017 13:33

I am lost. I have a very good male friend, perhaps my closest friend ..but lately Im beginning to wonder if he feels more than friendship. We text eachother a good amount every evening both in groups and on a one to one level and have good serious chats aswell as funny stuff. We just click, have the same outlook, humour, ideas, values etc which is why we are friends I guess. he has given me the most incredible compliments about my character over time, and has also referred to me as being hot on a night out. Im ten years older than him and am married with children. He is single. Is it time to pull back?

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loveyoutothemoon · 26/10/2017 13:42

Err yes! Concentrate on your marriage, what is missing?

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Bruceishavingfish · 26/10/2017 13:46

How would your husband feel if he read this?

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GeriT · 26/10/2017 13:51

I guess she doesn't care how her husband feels and it is just about her and the attention she is getting.

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oldfool3 · 26/10/2017 13:55

Hi. My husband knows that we are very close friends and has no problem with the friendship. They get on very well. I have the same amount of contact with him as i do with my girlfriends. There is no hiding messages or anything else but lately there seems to have been some shift in the dynamic of the friendship. i could also be imagining it also,

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Bruceishavingfish · 26/10/2017 14:01

He wouldn't mind him calling you hot, him giving incredible compliments and the feeling there has been a shift in the relationship?

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oldfool3 · 26/10/2017 14:11

i give and get compliments to and from my male and female friends regularly. I think they are lovely to receive and return. I am married with two kids, I have lots of friendshipswhere we compliment eachother on how we look on a night out also.i never thought it was anything bad just because they came from a male friend.i havent told my husband that i think there is a shift in the friendship, because im not sure if there is and this is why i posted on mumsnet for some outside opinions. thanks.

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Ellona · 26/10/2017 14:12

Personally I think you should pull back for a while n concentrate on your husband.
But it all depends on how you feel on the situation? N why you are asking about it?

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Bruceishavingfish · 26/10/2017 14:17

Where is the drama then?

If this is how you interact with friends. Its how you interact with friends. Your husband would be fine with it.

Why would you all of a sudden think there is more to it?

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oldfool3 · 26/10/2017 14:19

i would be heartbroken to lose the friendship. He is a great friend to me and my family. Of course there ar certain topics completely out of bounds for us eg my marriage etc but i always feel that when life gets tough , i have a great support in this person and i value the friendship very much. thanks

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oldfool3 · 26/10/2017 14:31

sorry crossed posts there. lately there has been an increase in contact and the other evening a post ended with two kiss emojis. i know this sounds silly but its not something he has ever used before. He also joked that when we alll...a group of friends... go to stay at his housenext month that i will be sleeping in his bed to give the rest of the group something to talk about !!! Its just a shift in the friendship that bothers me. Up until that it was clean, no innuendo or anything like that. I dont want to discuss it with anyone in rl un til i get my head around it. Is he testing the waters ?

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Walkacrossthesand · 26/10/2017 15:40

Why does it matter? You're married, you have a family, you don't want to blow all that out of the water - surely the only sane thing to do is to back away slightly and shut down these innuendoes, rather than wondering if you're imagining them. Job done!

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SilverySurfer · 26/10/2017 15:59

So what are you going to do about it if he does? I'm not getting you prioritizing your DH here but rather spending far too much time wondering if your friend fancies you. You should be putting some distance between you if that is the case.

I'm trying to imagine anyone being happy with their partner spending every evening occupied with chatting and texting - when do you find time to actually spend with your DH and children?

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AndTheBandPlayedOn · 26/10/2017 16:04

Your gut says there has been a shift, so there has been a shift. Taper off, don't go to his house. You have an incredibly busy schedule through the holidays, right?

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Be3Al2Si6O18 · 26/10/2017 18:58

You will both fuck each other at some point if you carry on with this 'journey' of yours.

Mark my words. This is what you want - your posts scream of it - and you come on here to obtain some crumbs of comfort to allow you to do that. It is what you each seek. You are shallow. This is what you want to hear of course. And you want permission to fuck him. I will not give you that.

When your kids are fucked up emotionally, what are you going to say to them? "Your father was a good man but I wanted more..."

You have no powers to undo what you are about to unleash. Cheaters always get found out. It whips them up the backside when they least now it.

Continue with this relationship and you will - guaranteed - fuck your kids up.

Work on you first.

You know you have to drop this social event where you are in this guys house.

Just do that.

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user1471438981 · 26/10/2017 22:04

Wow, some harsh sounding replies on here. OP, it does sound like he has, at least, a crush on you. I'm sure you're not encouraging it, but it might be worth (gently) shooting down any flirty comments, purely because if he feels he might have a chance, or his feelings develop into something more it might ruin your friendship.

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oldfool3 · 27/10/2017 14:27

Thank you for your responses.gosh there are very differing viewpoints here, I love my husband and children above all else and do not spend time texting friends when in their company.I am uncomfortable with the change in dynamic.I will pull back and not go to the night away .I do wonder if ive contributed to his change in his treatmant of me. Have I given signals, I guess??? Cheers again for the constructive responses. I laughed my way through the hysterical ones, such was the way my post was misconstrued by a few people here. My devotion to my husband and family was never in question here.I am aware of plenty of people who, in the physical presence of their spouses and children, are not present and quantity presides over quality, but yet seem to feel they can pass judgement on those of us who they deem to be lesser mortals by having a life after their childrens bedtime and when their partners not at home.true thanks again for those who were not nasty and who gave solid honest advice. I appreciate it