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Help - I'm surrounded by negativity and it is draining.

(7 Posts)
putthesneckon Thu 19-Oct-17 21:10:19

My work day is upbeat with a great bunch of colleagues and we have a lot of fun and laughs.
DH works away most weeks and we only speak for 10/15 minutes each evening. Then he comes home and is Mr Negative about pretty much everyone and everything. It's draining. He is due home any time now and I should be looking forward to it, but I am almost dreading it. sad
My DF lives alone as mum died a few years ago. I speak to him most evenings and whilst he keeps busy and is relatively happy he is very negative about people. He sees bad in everyone, particularly those who 'have money' - whatever that means!
DC are young adults. DD is a positive person who has a very active life and many friends. She is at Uni about an hour away, i talk to her a few times a week and this is a pleasure.
DS is very quiet, he doesn't moan about people or situations but has low self esteem and worries me.

I don't really know why I am posting but the negativity is getting to me and I don't know how to handle it. I would appreciate any thoughts.

FluffyFerrets Thu 19-Oct-17 22:02:02

Have you tried asking your DH and Dad if they must be so negative. If not I would and have done before to people in my life who are negative.
Tell them you really would rather not listen to it.
I absolutely can't stand being around people like this, I'm a relatively happy positive person.
Yes, everyone likes a bit of a moan but it's so draining. My whingy fuckers are mostly at work so I can and do remove myself from them.
I feel for you. Living with one would drive me insane.

forcryinoutloud Thu 19-Oct-17 22:32:03

Hi putthesneckon I can relate quite a lot to this, My DH can be pretty negative at times and my DF used to be all the time, although he passed away almost a year ago now.

As for your description of your DC's it almost mirrors my two, except that DD is yet to go to uni.

I think trying to change DH and especially DF is prob not going to happen. But yes you could try and lighten the negativity with positive remarks in the hope of they will see what you are trying to do or subconsciously be 'guided' by you. It used to be VERY difficult trying to get anything positive out of my DF, esp as he got older and more poorly but his personality was always leaning to the negative side.

Re the things your DH is neg about is it the old classic of work or just general niggly stuff? Anything he could do anything about? Is he overtired or anything ? Worth asking if there's anything you can help with or just listen, try a few positive comments and then find somehwhere to retreat to for some me time!

I wondered how old is your DS? My is 18 and currently has very low self esteem, he is trying to find a stop gap job at the moment, they are a worry aren't they?

Thank goodness we have our DDs!

putthesneckon Sat 21-Oct-17 12:06:32

Fluffy ferrets my DH wouldn't take it well if I asked him not to be negative as he thinks he is very justified! grin

forcryinoutloud my DS is 18 too, luckily he does have a part-time job and is more or less doing full time hours at the moment although his contract is 'zero hours'. He has trouble sleeping and does all the wrong things to correct this but doesn't take kindly to advice as he knows everything wink
DH's negativity is mainly work related but spreads into most things, including DS sad. I find it difficult to listen to his many moans and this is perhaps unfair of me but it is a drain. We are off work this week and I am hoping this helps but I now it will be temporary.
My DF is only negative about people and the price of things but that irritates me!

It's good to know there are others in the same situation

User36367292 Sat 21-Oct-17 12:31:20

Can you cut out the evening phone calls? Might be easier to deal with him and guide conversation better if not speaking to him every night.

Be3Al2Si6O18 Sat 21-Oct-17 19:24:56

Negativity is shit. And shit sticks.

If you have the gift of being always positive then you must not have negative people around you. Otherwise it is like a large back of rocks on your back. And trust me, they will succeed if you are exposed to them long enough.

A person who wants to drag you down emotionally should have no place in your life. Those with a glass half full are plenty abound. They will never change. That is OK, they like being that way.

But you owe them nothing. Move away, and soar.

putthesneckon Sun 22-Oct-17 20:51:14

Be3Al2Si6O18 that isn't something i even want to consider

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