I apologise in advance if this becomes a long thread
I’m no longer in denial that my marriage has hit a seriously rough patch, 5 years into married life (been together for nearly 8 years).
Earlier this year my long term mental health problems (anxiety & depression) came to boiling point and I had to see my GP, if I didn’t get myself sorted it would have ended my marriage as my husband couldn’t take any more - and in hindsight I see exactly why. I was depressed but had really bad mood swings and was always shouting and complaining. Things got stronger again and we got to a better place.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. Husband has come out and he has been depressed for a long time but has always compressed his friend and put everyone else first. He’s not over his cousin dying at 32 years old (this was 4 years ago). He never got counselling for this. He’s a retail manager and his area manager has recently fallen through on a few promotion promises - so understandably he’s demotivated and fed up.
He said he doesn’t know what he wants from anything in life. He said he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me and our to DDs (3 and 1) but he doesn’t know if he can do life, marriage, responsibilities, work and just anything at all. I’ve given him space and tried my best to keep things stable at home, I’ve said I’m here for him if he wants to talk and if he doesn’t I’ll sit with him in silence, I’ve also encouraged him to go out a do something for himself even if it’s just having a beer with the lads. We also agreed we need a date night once a month. I said I’m not giving up just because it’s hard between us at the moment.
He’s had his bad days and taken a lot out on me but having been through the same thing I knew I couldn’t just give up on him.
So what I thought was progress turns out maybe not...
I picked up his phone yesterday, just to get a phone number out (he was asleep) When he woke up he asked if I went through his phone, I said I only got a phone number (and that’s all I really did!) He went off into one and said “my ex used to go through my phone!” (This was 10 years ago she did that?) I reassured him that I trusted him
And I only wanted a phone number. My anxiety began to kick in and I said “so you’re going to split up with me over a misunderstanding?” To which he replied “no but if you want to go back to your hometown and me never see my kids again then go!” I was speechless... so I got really annoyed and said to him about how I’ve been supportive and why was he being so harsh, he said he thinks I’m putting on an act?! Then he stormed out to work. I was in bed when He got home last night, he came in and kisses me on the head then went downstairs to unwind, I said sorry and he said don’t worry about it.
After he stormed out last night I was really angry with him, because I just thought “I had to address my mental health issues but why aren’t you?!” I’m not expecting him to go to the GP like I did (he said he would if he get he needed to).
I feel really unloved, confused and part of me wants to just get up with my DDs and go back to my hometown, but the most part wants me to stay and try work through this not just for the DDs but for me and OH too.
He said he doesn’t know what he wants from anything, he said maybe I should go to my hometown for a few days, but why should I drag the DDs out of routine because his head is up his arse , when he could go stay at his parents house for a few days?
Part of me is feeling like I’m steady hurting like he’s broken my heart.
Any advice would be appreciated, I’m open to trying anything that will help. I want to try save our marriage because I really do love him and he does love me.
Thanks for reading xx
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Really unsure of what else I can do
14 replies
moomookachu · 15/10/2017 06:09
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