Hello,
I have been with my partner around 3 years now and something has changed between us. When we row and during a row, I feel I literally am losing my mind, I feel like I have lost my sense of control emotionally and that really scares me.
He is always the one who apologises here to tries to make it work with me afterwards which is good, but I am finding lately that I have lost my sense of confidence at the moment and sense of self esteem. He hates being critised but when I am its like he is so defensive the words he says are just flooring me. Then I get worse and it ends up in an awful nasty row....
I was not too well last year and this resulted in painful sex, so we kind of didnt really do anything physically for a while, we are just trying to get back on track and make things work again which is at times good physically but slow now. I feel though rejected at the moment because he is just not at all instigating anything.
Just lately I am feeling really insecure, wondering if its me or if its something else. He is sitting exams this week and whenever I am trying to say touch him or show signs of intimacy he says thats annoying or not to do this and that. Half way through the night he says he loves me, which is lovely dont get me wrong but then wants sex which feels like a control thing for me or I feel used because he is in the mood whereas after what he was like earlier I am not. This is why I am feeling slightly vulnerable as we speak. When we row, he says he doesnt know what makes me happy, I say I am just looking for someone to make me happy as everything else in my life is going well which is true, re work, family, health etc. He said thats an old cliche and I live in another world.
He works 12 hour days in Edinburgh and I work from home with our small child to look after too.
He was always the one chasing me for the first few years, now he is saying, well you use to never want it now you know what it feels like if I am stressed, its only this week I am really tired. However its happening pretty much every time I am close to him lately.
I just feel he is not genuine at the moment and I sense something is not right. We are speaking about having another child when in an argument he says well at the moment its about us not being stable you may not be able to cope with another one and I then feel awful.
I have a lovely male friend around me who truly adores me, he is about the same age and wants to see me more as a girlfriend he says he would treat me right, give me a lovely family but just doesnt earn as much which is true but he would give me that love I so deserve and want when it comes to a nice balanced relationship. We text everyday and I feel like he gives me that love and makes me feel good....he is hilarious too... I have known him for years and he is truly lovely. However giving up what I have scares me, but I am really tempted.
myself and my partner talk, but I never know what mood he will be in when he is stressed or what ridiculous comment he will come out with when we argue. I have never scared myself before when we have argued like I did last week. I seem to be living in constant fear here and maybe its just that, a fear of being alone and I have stated this to him and how worried and in fear I am but its not helping as when things like this happen, its like I have lost my sense of self....which cant be attractive I know.
So I go to the gym, see friends, then someone gives me attention and I think well others want me. He likes me to be at home when he gets in, his words and he mentions when we first dated I was not really into my work as such and I would give him a lovely smile, attention etc but now I am working more which is true as we have a bigger house, child etc...
Not sure what to do, there is more to it.
He tells me everyday he loves me, buys me flowers, dinner and helps pay bills pretty good with money and has a great job. But I am feeling like we have shifted, he has become this alpha male reminding me of a horrid ex and I have become somewhat submissive which is not like me. This has been since not been well and we had a temporary break of 3 weeks. Its the arguments.
...My worry is I may end up doing something I may regret as I am feeling I may do somewhere down the lines and then just leave because this other man does and would love me and look out for me too. Since spending more time with my male friend, its like he knows me inside out and I feel so me, like he doesnt care if I am having a moment or being silly, whereas my ex may bring something up which makes me think, I cant be myself at times. There is nothing worse than not being who you truly are, we use to be amazing together.....
I think its me who has changed since we had our child last year and also since I have felt a little powerless with my health too....its a horrible feeling and not sure what to do apart from building up my self confidence more.
xx
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Relationships
Anyone had this with their man before, changed?
13 replies
percypig2017 · 12/10/2017 14:44
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