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If you're NC with only one parent how does it work for you?

(6 Posts)
ilovewelshrarebit123 Tue 10-Oct-17 18:35:00

I’ve posted before about my dad, so In a nutshell my dad emotionally abuses my mum. She is disabled and in very poor health with a life limiting disease.

He left her in bed for two days without checking on her and when I went to see her she was extremely unwell. She was blue lighted to hospital and spent two weeks in there.

He now has to do a lot for her as she’s on permanent oxygen and can’t walk without a walking aid., if she leaves the house she has to go in a wheelchair. He does it reluctantly and makes her life a misery.

We’ve had a huge argument about his abusive behaviour and he tried to punch me and throw me out of their house. He’s told me I don’t exist to him and he’ll never utter another word to me.

This was three months ago and he’s been true to his word. He refused to let me see mum for 6 weeks but I now just go into their house to see her.

I used to do all their housework, washing and ironing. Change beds etc. He now only allows me to change mums bed and do her ironing which is fine by me.

She will not leave him and will not accept help for anyone but me. She can’t live with me as there isn’t room and she can’t go upstairs. I also work 30 hours and have a 10 year old DD.

So Christmas is coming and DD will be with her dad 300 miles away, I’ll be on my own as will my parents as my brother always goes to his wife’s family, plus he doesn’t give a shit anyway he also does nothing to help!

I’d usually go to my parents but I won’t be welcome and I wouldn’t want to sit in silence anyway. But my poor mum can’t come to me as she’s in a wheelchair, on oxygen and needs a downstairs loo.

I can go to a friends but feel sorry for my mum stuck with him. He won’t make a dinner, doesn’t buy gifts and they sit in separate rooms.

How do you handle this type of situation if you’re NC with one parent but they are still living together.

user1471449805 Tue 10-Oct-17 19:37:19

What does your mum say?

To me it's abusive but if she is unwilling to leave . . .

ilovewelshrarebit123 Tue 10-Oct-17 19:46:19

Oh she knows it’s abusive, but she won’t leave so all I can do is try to support her.

But when I do she gets it in the neck when I’ve left. He said things to me that can’t he taken back and he shows utter contempt to my mum.

LivingInLaLaLand Tue 10-Oct-17 20:27:55

Book a hotel or restaurant nearby & have a Xmas dinner there,

mindutopia Tue 10-Oct-17 20:31:11

I would collect her and go to a restaurant for Christmas if she is willing to spend it without him. If she isn't, it is her choice that she has stayed all this time and you have to let her make that choice, I think, unfortunately.

smilingeyes79 Tue 10-Oct-17 20:58:13

Can you look at booking a log cabin or hotel with disabled access and having a couple of days with your mom in an environment she can aces facilities and you can both have some time together

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