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Worn out with all the arguing

(7 Posts)
40notout Sat 07-Oct-17 22:42:57

My husband is a real jekyl and Hyde. Will declare love for me one minute, next he's lost temper with me or kids and starts shouting/swearing, storms out room and mutters names at me. Then he returns as if nothing has happened. I've been called weirdo, bitch, slut... He appears to hate my son (his step son), complains he stays in room then moans and makes him feel uncomfortable if he joins us. Tells his daughter he's too busy on his phone or watching TV to speak to her (she's 6). Loudly interrupts constantly and speaks on my behalf. Puts me down to the few friends I have and bigs himself up. Nothing good to say about anyone. List goes on, I'm sure you get idea.
My mental health is suffering, basically he will provoke us into arguments. I'm so nervy whenever he is in house.
We are due to go on holiday next week. Every holiday has been ruined with his moaning. I'm so exhausted I need a break but don't know how i can cope with being around him and i cant bear it if he upsets the kids.
Sorry for long rant and thanks for reading if u have got this far. I don't have anyone to confide in. Any advice gratefully received.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sat 07-Oct-17 23:04:58

It sounds like you're talking about my husband so you have my sympathies. I usually go on holidays with friends and family to dilute his negativity but I'm going away with his family next week. My action plan is to spend as much time with the kids and avoid him and his family as much as I can. Could you do that?

40notout Sun 08-Oct-17 00:18:59

Thanks for your response and sorry to hear you have similar troubles. I can try spend as much time with kids but he'll try be overbearing and will follow us about. He gets so jealous of me spending time with my son. Plus its all inclusive and he's so much worse with a drink in him. He has promised this holiday will be good however has broken so many promises I cant trust him and the build up to holiday has been truly awful. I'm so worn out can't think straight, honestly at point of collapse

40notout Sun 08-Oct-17 00:46:22

He's now had a go at me for not wanting sex. After upsetting us all cos my daughter accidentally spilt his drink trying to get his attention. We all went upstairs to watch TV to get away from him (regular occurrence). My argument is I don't want sex with someone who can't make effort to be pleasant to his own family. He's messing with my head so much i think im in wrong 😣

jeaux90 Sun 08-Oct-17 00:51:20

He sounds revolting. What's stopping you from separating?

40notout Sun 08-Oct-17 00:59:58

We've talked many times about separating but he refuses to leave the house (joint mortgage) and threatens to go for sole custody of my daughter. I work part time so money would be an issue.I guess I don't have courage to leave at the moment and can't find strength. I'm so sad at putting kids through this and will be devastated if he spoils this holiday 😭

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 08-Oct-17 07:28:00

He may well ruin this holiday as well.

Abusive men usually refuse to leave and also threaten sole custody to boot. Both are designed to keep you where you are; they know how to push their target's buttons precisely where it hurts the most. Do you honestly think this man would have any interest in his child post separation let alone try for full custody; hell no. He is saying that to keep you where you are, its another way of controlling you.

Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 are well worth contacting and they can and will help you move forward. I would also seek legal advice asap and get this man out of your lives for good; you are not as powerless as you think you are. Knowledge after all is power.

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