How did you know you were ready for a new relationship?

[Whereisthesunshine]

I've been separated for over a year (dh walked out) and divorce proceedings have just started. In the last few weeks I've been wondering what it would be like to be with someone again. I'm not enjoying being single, I mean, I'm very independent in my day to day life but I miss being with someone. I also want a family (I'm 35) and I'm scared of leaving it too late. Equally, I don't want to start dating out of the wrong reasons. I'm still (very) sad about my marriage breakdown but I think this chapter of my life will always carry sadness for me as I loved him very much.

How did you know?

[JK1773]

I don't think you ever really know 100%. I had a relationship after a year. It didn't last long because we were at totally different life stages. He was lovely though. I could have stayed with him if I really didn't want to be alone but by then I knew I was fine on my own so I had no qualms about ending it. Do you think you are ready to do that? As long as you know you wouldn't just 'settle' for the sake of not being alone.

I've been with DP about 10 months now. I still know that if it ended tomorrow I'd be fine, upset but ultimately ok

[Whereisthesunshine]

JK, thank you. This is what I'm trying to figure out, whether I just miss being with someone as I haven't got used to being on my own yet. All I know is that i don't like.

[TheNaze73]

I don't think you'll ever fully know until you try.

FWB worked for me for 2-3 years after my divorce however, would not have been ready for a full on relationship for 3 years.

Good luck

[JK1773]

I like being on my own now. Maybe that's the key. But then I was the one who ended things with my long term ex so it's maybe a bit different to you. I'm enjoying my relationship but we only see each other once or twice a week so I still have lots of time on my own. Maybe give dating a try and see how you feel but be wary and be sure you'll feel able to end it if it's not right

[Mrsfluff]

I separated in early 2016 and started online dating in the Sept. I missed male company and having someone who was there for me, so felt ready then to get back out there. My family and friends were all fantastic, but I was lonely and wanted someone to share things with.

[anothernameinnit]

Hi op

I started dating a year after separation and it's been another year after that before thinking I really want to find someone. Before this I was happy having casual dates and casual sex

You'll know when you feel ready but if I were you I'd start dating. If nothing else it's quite good fun!

[Whereisthesunshine]

Thank you everyone. It's tricky isn't it. I suppose I'm also scared of rejection (which might be a sign I'm not ready yet!). I'm not thin: size 16-18 at 5.7 and I wonder whether anyone would want me.

[JK1773]

It is tricky. And don't be down on yourself! You are a goddess and any man would be lucky to have you (say to self in mirror and repeat). Good luck to you

[MeMeMeMe123]

Where, I understand. Give it a go. Like a PP said, it's good to be able to 'not settle' too.

I'm currently taking a break from OLD/dating full stop. I've got nothing to offer that means anything to someone. No money, job, 3 kids.

I feel invisible and am constantly on the outside looking in. I hope this improves.

If it does, then I'll consider dating.

[Whereisthesunshine]

me I am sure you have a lot to give, don't be disheartened!

[anothernameinnit]

Oh please. I'm bigger than you and plenty of decent men have wanted me

Get out there

[Mrsfluff]

Where, don't you dare be so hard on yourself!! I'm very tall and very fat shapely and I had lots of interest. My boyfriend is lovely and rather a fitty and he absolutely adores me

[Ikeameatballs]

I wouldn't worry about your size. I think that being confident in yourself and being well groomed/presented (not necessarily conforming to any ideal other than your own) is more important.

[MeMeMeMe123]

I have a lot to give, always did. The issue is that it's not wanted. Some day, after a knock on the head no doubt, some nice man might see the light 😂

[Justbreathing]

I tried it quite soon after and it was a bit of a disaster, I was emotionally a wreck and it came across now taking a break.
But you won't know till you try, so perhaps give it a go and if it feels uncomfortable stop!

Your size doesn't matter, I am larger and I never thought anyone would fancy me. Turns out men like boobs and women who like food!
shock horror!

[Whereisthesunshine]

Just, if you don't mind me asking, what do you mean by emotional wreck? Were you still upset about your ex? How did it come across? Sorry for the questions

[MeMeMeMe123]

In my case, my boundaries were nowhere near high enough. I deferred to them. It's what my mum outwardly did and stull does

So, stuff id not tolerate now, such as no discussions re contraception, sending unacceptable videos, sexist or misogynistic language.

Basically I'd bend with the wind.

[MeMeMeMe123]

If that makes sense? It's how my marriage was and I just repeated the same behaviours...

[LellyMcKelly]

Don't worry about your size at all. As women we're conditioned to think we're not attractive unless we're a size 10, but the truth is that men love us in all our shapes and sizes. I'm a 16 at 5'4" and had a fabulous time doing OLD. I was ready about 10 months after my separation, joined Match one night after half a bottle of prosecco, went on a pile of dates which were fun, though I was getting fed up of constantly painting my nails and shaving my legs. Then, about two months later I got hit by the thunderbolt - I fell head over heels in over straight away. Luckily, he felt the same and we've been together 2 years now. Have a think about what's important to you, and maybe join clubs or do some online dating. I was treating OLD as a bit of fun and enjoyed not taking the whole thing too seriously, but it was great for me.

[MeMeMeMe123]

Lovely story Lelly

[Tearsoffrustration]

I pulled a 21 year old when out with my friends (I was 34 at the time) about 10 months after the split - it felt good & not weird at all! 2 months later I joined match and met my now boyfriend of 2 years

[Whereisthesunshine]

That sound encouraging, Lelly and Tears . Maybe I should just give it a go and see how it goes. The worst that can happen i suppose is that I realise I'm not ready yet.

Me, yes this makes sense. All the best to you.