Marriage struggling with 2 children under 3

[ChorusLine69]

DH and I have always argued but it seems to have become much worse lately, we have a nearly 3 year old and a one year old and we don't get much time together which doesn't help . I am hoping that this could just be the strain of life being difficult at the moment without great sleep etc Did anyone else feel like this and things got better? I've been a SAHM since my DS was born nearly 3 years ago and it's been great but I do feel resentful at times as I end up feeling like a maid sometimes looking after everyone! I also feel like I've changed, I'm not the happy, bubbly person I used to be, despite loving my children to bits and getting so much joy from them. I feel quite anxious and lonely at times. Sorry, I'm not really sure why I'm posting but I can't talk to anyone else.

[Coldkebab]

Hello. Im not sure im going to be the best person for advice as iv only been with my dh for 6 years and had a child previous and none together.
I find that setting a date night once a month together has helped our relationship. We put dd to bed early with movie shes 8. And have a nice meal together at the table. It gives us chance to talk about things and plan things together.
I work a lot 50 hours a week and so does he so we make sure we book time off together and do dsys out. Im sorry im not much use but didnt want to leave you hanging

[mindutopia]

I do think that's fairly normal to be honest. We only have one (with #2 on the way now), but our dd is 4. It really wasn't until she turned 3 that I felt like we had time together to focus on us again, were well rested enough to not be so short with each other, and started to feel a bit more like our old selves. It was much better after that. I'm not a SAHM, but I was home the first year and then part-time until about 2.5. Going back to work, even when I was part-time, also really helped me. It may not be for you, but it did give me a boost in confidence and I felt like myself again because I was able to have my own time and focus on something I really enjoyed. I think the combination of that and just getting out of the baby and early toddler stage really helped. Hang in there. Assuming everything else is okay between you two, it will get easier if you just stick in there with each other.

[ChorusLine69]

Thanks mindutopia, your post really resonated with me. I think it's the shortness and snappiness that gets me down largely. I feel my DH attitude to me has changed but I do think this is due to my own self esteem issues too. I am looking to go back to work in Jan part time when my son has funding, as until now it hasn't been financially viable with 2 children and no family support etc I am hoping that it will help me to get my own career back on track. Had a chat with DH last night and we are going to try and communicate better, as I think we are becoming resentful at times and need to remember we do actually like each other. Tiredness is a massive factor I agree. I just don't want to be arguing in front of the children as I grew up in a house with lots of fighting ( just verbal) and I don't want that for my children but I do need to learn to control my temper as I do see red on occasion. Thankyou for reassurance as I was having some drastic thoughts about leaving last night and your words did help. Thankyou too kebab - this is a good idea which we have done before but not regularly. We don't have babysitter but even just M & S dine in and a film with no phones ( as that's another thing, DH on mobile a lot) will help us to connect and feel more of a couple.

[timeisnotaline]

I think the going back to work will help because it's a real dynamic shift - you get to say you do the pick up and dinner Tuesdays and leave it to him etc rather than needing a reason iygwim . And you can do evening drinks that night without needing to book them in in the same way because your dh is already on board with looking after the children (I don't mean You don't check it's ok just like your dh should have to, but it is easier). of course if your dh is one of those who thinks you work part time and still do everything then it just crystallises your resentment.

[ChorusLine69]

Yes time, I think you're right.
Currently I don't go out and do my own thing enough as I am just knackered by 8pm when the children have gone to sleep. And I know I need my own space too, and to socialise, exercise etc I do miss my old life in some ways and then I feel guilty for that. DH runs his own business and has a demanding job but he does do stuff around the house, it's just that I end up organising everything- shopping, cooking, weekends etc and sometimes I just get fed up with that but I think if I were working too then he might see it a bit differently