How do you know if you're a good person?

[Notsureaboutmuchanymore]

Do you ever wonder how much of a good person you are? If perhaps despite thinking you were fairly good, that actually maybe you have lots of faults that you haven't acknowledged.

I.e. Today I've been told I can never admit when I'm wrong. I genuinely don't think this is true however the person saying it had no reason to lie / is generally trustworthy and kind. I've also been told I " play the victim" when again, I genuinely don't feel I do in the slightest.

It got me thinking maybe I can't admit when I'm wrong, maybe I'm not really a nice person after all - maybe I lack self awareness? Anyone else feel like this?

[foursthescore]

The fact that you wonder whether you are a good person suggests that you are. Someone who wasn't wouldn't even think about it.

[Maddogs]

I think 'good and bad' are too black and white. Most of us have traits which are annoying to others even if we don't realise it.

I've done 'bad' things in the past and behaved in ways I'm less than proud of. But is t that being human?

[ComtesseDeSpair]

Having faults or even being a bit self-unaware doesn't mean you're not a good person. Are you kind? Attentive? Considerate of the feelings of others? Generous with your time, love, friendship and things you have? Then you're probably a good person. Maybe the things this person said are true, maybe they just have differing standards and values to you and see things a bit differently.

We all have faults and we will all do things which irritate some people in our lives. That's just how it rolls and unless you've noticed those close and important to you drawing away from you or seeking upset, I'd not worry too much. Although sometimes it helps to find someone who knows you well and who you can trust to be honest and ask them if there's anything about your behaviour which they think is sometimes inappropriate. Then decide whether there's anything you can address and how you go about it.

[Notsureaboutmuchanymore]

Thanks everyone. I definitely try to be a good listener, be kind and attentive and treat people how I would want to be treated.

I guess it just stung that this comment has come up several times ( only with one person never anyone else ) when I take extra care to make sure I say sorry when I feel it's needed, even if perhaps it wasn't my fault so to speak.

I'm actually feeling quite low today so imagine that's thrown things out of perspective!

[sunnyshowers]

Sometimes people tell you "truths" when they're feeling low and without malice want to bring you down a peg. To be honest no one's perfect all the time and giving you reason s to doubt yourself may not be about you. There's only so much you can do/give

[BossyBitch]

Remember that perception goes at least two ways: there is how you intend for something to come across and how you express this given your own personality, habits and biases, and then there is how others interpret it within the framework of theirs.

To answer your question: I very much think that IRL most people are neither good nor bad but a mixture of characteristics that rub some or most of everyone else either the right or the wrong way.

Looking at myself as an example, I'm fiercely loyal to those I care about - a.k.a. I'm a nasty bitch who'll throw people under the bus to protect her own. I'm nice to everyone I meet and try to be helpful - a.k.a. I'm an insufferable people pleaser and a bit of a doormat. I'm an inspiration and an advocate and role model to junior women in my male domibated field - a.k.a. I'm a shrieking harpy and a manhater. I'm idealistic and spend a lot of (unpaid) time on volunteering, mentoring and generally working towards the world I want - a.k.a. I'm an ideologically blinkered bore. You get the drift.

At the end of the day, if you're okay with you and if those whose opinions of you truly matter to you are as well, everyone else can think whatever they like. You won't ever get everyone to agree with you - and if you do someone out there will take it to mean that you're a domineering bitch.

[wavesandwellies]

I've been told by one person that I can never take the blame for things that I've done to upset them (these things weren't intentional at all!) I've also been told by the same person that I 'play the victim' all the time when all I'm trying to do is express my point of view.

I know I'm not a bad person and i do have my faults but so does everyone. unless you're genuinely going out of your way to hurt/upset people then I wouldn't worry