Shall i do this?

[Screamingmonkeys]

An ex has contacted me, asking to verify some things that happened when we were together. We went out for 2 years whilst I was 15-17 and he was 17-19 (so approx 30 years ago!)

He is asking about a specific incident, in which his dad chased me, him and his sister with his gun, because he disapproved of the sisters boyfriend. We escaped by car and other traffic meant he had to lower the gun.

His dad is saying this never happened and that my ex is crazy. Sister is backing up dad.

My memory isn't great and I can't remember details e.g. I wasn't sure if the gun was fired/what proceeded the gun getting. But, I have no doubt it happened.

It's part of a bigger picture in which ex is trying to get over abuse. And his family are saying the abuse never happened/he is crazy.

Again, my memory isn't great but I WOULD describe his dad as abusive. He was unkindvto ex and verbally abusive, but I can't recall examples. He said he hit him at the time but I don't think he witnessed it. He had multiple affairs with younger women which he told ex about, whilst they were happening. Remember this was all before he was 18. I THINK they were both sleeping with the same girl/woman at 1 point. We had free access to his porn films.

My apprehension is because ex says his dad has encouraged the mother of his child to prevent contact...has told her, he is crazy and no abuse happened.

He has asked if I will write a statement about the gun incident, as he is going to court to try and reestablish contact with his child. AND to prevent his dad from having unsupervised contact with the child

BUT, presumably his behaviour is what has caused her to stop contact actually. I know women don't stop contact with kids for no good reason. And I don't want to add to that woman's stress

I'm not sure what to do for the best?

[Screamingmonkeys]

I didn't witness the physical abuse

[JK1773]

If you didn't witness it and your memory is not clear I wouldn't get involved. In fact the family court is more likely to be interested in what is happening right now. They won't be interested in this incident from 30 years ago. How is that relevant to the kids who are now subject to court proceedings? You can't offer anything recent or relevant and if you give a statement you might need to attend court and be cross examined. I think he's clutching at straws. I'd stay well out if it

[Screamingmonkeys]

He is asking for a statement about the gun incident. Which I did witness and can remember

[Screamingmonkeys]

He wants it to counter that his dad is saying, he makes it all up and is crazy.

But also, to keep his dad from having unsupervised access to granddaughter

[JK1773]

But do you know what has happened between then and now? Has his dad been seeing the child over the last few years? You don't know the present circumstances

[lackingimagination]

Just tell the truth.

[Screamingmonkeys]

No, I don't jk. But I'm not being asked to comment on that. Only to verify that his dad certainly did chase us with a gun

I don't like to think of him being painted as a liar/fantasist and his dad as the 'goodie'. Because that isn't the case. And if the woman has been convinced this is the truth, then she is making decisions for her child based on lies. And yes, I wouldn't necessarily want my child growing up being influenced against me, by that man. Especially as she grows into a teenager

[SleightOfHand]

I agree with lackingimagination Be truthful.

[Screamingmonkeys]

I know it was far in the past, but we went through so much together. As a friendship group as a whole, we went through a lot, growing up. And although, I see them not very often, I feel a sense of loyalty and protection

[HerOtherHalf]

Part of me thinks you should tell the truth, as long as you are clear in your mind as to what you can remember. Part of me feels that for your own sake you should not get involved. How strongly do you feel about it and how willing are you to risk getting involved with their volatile and potentially dangerous family?

[enjoyingscience]

Tell the truth. You don't know his circumstances now, and if there are other factors they aren't really yours to take into account. Not all women are wonderful, and she might well have stopped contact for less then pure reasons. Or she might not have. You can't know, and shouldn't guess.

Give the information in good faith and let it be.

[Screamingmonkeys]

It's not dangerous

My only apprehension, is that it MIGHT be better if he isn't allowed access to the child...regardless of the lies his dad/sister are telling

He hasn't always been very stable. Had alcohol and drug problems in the past. Got some conspiracy theory stuff going on etc...I don't know what actually had caused the mum to deny contact

[Screamingmonkeys]

Xposted science...Yes, I think you are right

[mummytime]

I'd be inclined to do it - BECAUSE if his father did act like that then it doesn't sound as if he should have access to the child/children.
Really it doesn't make that much difference as to whether your ex should have access.