I feel like I'm constantly posting on here for advice at the moment.
So, ex and I separated a few months back and he moved out about 5 weeks ago. He gave me £600 last year to help clear my credit card when we were applying for a mortgage (he had no debts cos I paid for everything). He didn't put anything else into the house, my parents loaned us the deposit.
Fast forward to now and he is demanding this money back. He is very bitter about the split and apparently didn't want it to happen. Now I know I don't have to pay it back, it was never a loan but morally you might think its the decent thing.
However, during our relationship I used to pay for all the holidays and many other things besides. Hence why I have credit card debts and he has zero debt.
If you read my other posts, a complication to all this as he has had 2 bereavements recently so I've been having to tread on eggshells with him.
He pleads poverty all the time and is now saying he can no longer have the kids overnight until he can afford to buy bunk beds (he's currently in a 2-bed house with only 1 king size bed). So, he's trying to get this £600 back from me to 'buy a bed'.
I've just had to pay a few hundred pounds for a new TV (on my credit card AGAIN) because he took the TV as he did pay for it (fair enough).
I suppose I know what people will say but, maybe the guilt of the split and his bereavements is clouding my judgement. I don't feel I should give him a penny, considering I don't believe he gives me enough maintenance either. I was thinking of offering him half and that is all he is getting, and not to mention it again.
Should I really be getting myself further into debt to pay him back?
and just to add....... I've been going along with everything as I;m scared he will scupper the sale of our house. He has tried to do this before already when he wasn't happy about things. I do worry if I refuse him the money altogether he might try to put a stop to it and we lose our buyers (he could potentially do this) and I rely on him signing things from the solicitor. Should I pay him half and draw a line under things?
Yes I could offer to do that. It still sticks in my throat as I bought our oldest some a new bed last year and it cos £700 and he hasn't offered me a penny towards that! I feel as though he has zero debt and mine is just building up constantly.....
I also am paying the full mortgage on the house - we agreed this in order to get him out so I'm on the bones of my backside at the moment until the sale goes through.
He has already asked me to 'borrow it from my parents'...
Could you call his bluff - act all pathetic like he does and tell him it;s all too much for you blah blah and you can't face selling the house at the moment etc etc Maybe if he thinks you aren't bothered he might panic and get of your case.
Don't give him anything including money let him deal with it.
Thanks for the replies. blackflipflops no we're not married but the house is in joint names. He has already threatened not to sign the paperwork and I needed him to sign to say I get the excess from the sale (its to pay my parents back). Up until now, he has the kids but they all sleep in the king size bed - ex and 2 kids!! this is not ideal and my 3yo is not settling (no surprise). He keeps harping on about how he can't afford a bed and using this as an excuse to get this money back. donners312 - No I coudn't do that as he would jump at the chance to not sell the house as I reckon he is hoping we will get back together (ha). Getting shot of the house at least cuts those ties and I'm not then worrying about him signing things and paying my parents. I think I struggle with being harsh with him due to his bereavements too although I suspect he might be playing on this......
Tell him you don't have the money. Which is true. And tell him your parents have refused to lend you any money.
But it's worrying that you're on the bones of your arse selling a house, but sticking "a few hundred" (£300?) on a credit card for a TV. People can't give older TVs away, and even newer ones second hand are really cheap. Don't put something you can buy much cheaper on a credit card!
Ellisandra yes I shouldn't have put the TV on my credit card but that's irrelevant to my ex asking for money. I was pointing out that I don't have cash to buy the things I need, never mind giving it to him. I don't think this is about the beds at all, he just wants that money!!!! Believe me, if if it wasn't for all these other things going on I would tell him to eff off. Will tell him that I don't have the money so if he needs beds to use credit like I've had to.