I feel so lonely

[utterchaos]

I have no one I can have a conversation with. Not a proper chat, you know?

My two close female friends now live in different timezones and are very busy, we talk about once every 4 months or so. DP and I are having issues at the moment, lack of proper communication being a massive one. We're doing more arguing than talking. And even when we do talk, he doesn't know how to do the kind of chit chat I need, it has to be all about him.

My mum doesn't do small talk (she's autistic). I haven't made friends in the town we live in now. No one I can call and have a chat with. The other people I used to be friends with before kids all seem to have drifted away, mostly because they've been busy with their kids too. No time or money to do anything about it.

I used to be a very social person, and there was always someone I could pick the phone up to or go and visit. Now I have no one to talk to. I talk to people through my work, but I'm not being the real me, they're my clients.

I've started to talk to myself! How long will it go on like this? Do I have to wait for the kids to grow up enough to have sa decent conversation?!

If I read this post and someone else had written it I'd say get out there, make friends. And I will when I can. But right now things are so shit (DP is depressed and newly out of work, I'm working all the days I can to try to clear our debts, our house it too much of a shit pit to invite people into - no time energy or money to make new friends).

I've been on MN for years and it's helped, but RL has got much shitter in that time and I need to have a friend in RL. I think I need to get out of this fucking town maybe.

Not sure why I posted really - maybe someone has a miracle solution?!

[Youcouldbemysilversprings]

I felt this way when my kids were little. When dad went to preschool I joined the preschool committee and made great friends, and have made a few more who I'm close to now through the PTA.
You have to put yourself out there unfortunately, but I feel for you it can all be so exhausting especially if you're working full time.
Do you have people in work that you could invite out for an after work drink/cocktail?
It's horrible feeling lonely there was manys a day I'd cry into my tea over how lonely motherhood was

[Youcouldbemysilversprings]

*when dd not 'dad' lol

[utterchaos]

Thanks for the response :) Do you have people in work that you could invite out for an after work drink/cocktail?

Not really. I freelance so mostly it's online, and I meet clients for meetings but it's not like an office where you socialise.

I'm working more than full time. I work the equivalent of at least 6 days a week at the moment. It's not tenable longterm but until DP gets a new job I have no choice.

When that calms down I could join the PTA, yes, that's a good idea.

I find the idea of making new friends an uphill struggle these days though. How do you get beyond the surface? I miss being around people who understand me. I miss being with my old friends who know me well enough to take the piss out of me. Who have similar beliefs and world views.

[whatsmyname2017]

Hey OP, I totally feel your pain. I'm recently separated and, because I moved from my home town to be with ex, I don't have many close friends. I have 2 really good mates but 1 of them is has a large social network so is always busy and the other has a family so tends to have commitments there.
One thing I have done recently is to re-connect to old friends I've not seen in a while. Could you try that? Those friends you used to be lose to might actually really appreciate you getting back in touch.
I'm meeting someone today who I haven't seen in a year because I decided to drop her a text.
I know what you mean about 'getting beyond the surface'. I sometimes feel like people already have their established friendships so its hard. Some of the mums at the school seem really close friends so I often think I should try to get involved with them a bit more, but you just don't know how that will go.
There are other things I could suggest but as you have such a long working week, its hard finding the time.
I would try re-connecting with old friends, you might be surprised!!!

[Hermonie2016]

How old your children? I have met 2 really good friends through school but I did need to be selective and learn to develop friendships with non superficial people.

If you are mega busy getting time & energy is really hard however I would recommend yoga and gratitude diary.Just a few simple steps to change your mindset.

Being more positive will attract more positive people in your life.

If you are holding the family together that's amazing, congratulate yourself but do take time for you as you need to "put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others"

[TheStoic]

Loneliness is a terrible feeling.

But everything I've read, and everything I know, says that it's 'quality' over quantity.

Instead of the usual advice to 'meet new people', are there one or two that you already know that you could make an effort to really connect with on a deeper level?