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He's moving out

4 replies

haggyloops · 22/06/2017 13:33

We've been together 12 years, married for 8 and have 3 children 2,4 and 6.

Things have been going down hill four years, he's just not the man I married. He's depressed, angry and selfish. He sought help for a bit but decided he was fine, we went to counseling and he made promise which were never kept. I got tired of being ignored with no warmth or feeling. I cheated and he didn't react when I told him. I'm not sure what I thought would happen, all I know is, that's not me. I'm not that kind of person and if that's what I've become then this relationship is beyond saving.

I hate him for not carrying more when our daughter died, I planned a funeral alone. He was meant to look after me, instead he heard me cry and walked away. I hate him for not being there when I'm exhausted from being up all night, for making me make all the decisions and accept the consequences as my own. But mostly I hate him for not loving me more. For not seeing me as a parter and just a mother.

This isn't how my happily ever after was meant to turn out. How the fuck do I raise 3 children on my own?

Why did he stop caring, u just don't understand what I did to make this turn to shut.

How do I get through this? I just don't know anymore

OP posts:

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DanielCraigsUnderpants · 22/06/2017 15:25

First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I cannot begin to imagine the pain you must be going through.

I dont know whether your husband's reactions are due to unprocessed grief. I would say having walked away from an unhappy marriage that you can do it. But my advice is to be totally satisfied in your head that you cannot save it. That you are truly "done" because what you dont want in amongst all of the other emotions is a feeling of regret. If you truly feel that your marriage is over and you cannot carry on, that you feel you have given it your all but there is nothing left, then believe me you can cope outside of it. You could work out what your financial situation is, what you would need, who lives where etc. I found having the practical things to focus on gave me something to keep on, when it got emotionally tough.

It wont necessarily be easy, but from personal experience there was a level of relief that came from finally saying "enough is enough"

Good luck in whatever you decide

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HildaOg · 22/06/2017 16:34

Maybe he couldn't process his own grief over your daughters death let alone provide support to you. Some people just mentally break down inside and can barely function.

I don't think you can expect someone to love you when you prove you don't care for them by cheating.

As for carrying on as a single parent. You just do it.

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GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/06/2017 16:41

You WILL get through this. My Dad died suddenly when I was a kid and my Mum raised the 3 of us. Yes, it was bloody hard work for her, and we all probably matured and grew up faster than our friends as we had to. But we all did it. And we are all still a family and love each other.

You may actually find it easier without having to deal with him and what sounds like his very selfish and cold behaviour. Good riddance. Do you have family or friends close by you can reach out too? Even just for a chat/cuppa/hug.

You can do this OP.