My parents felt very strongly when my DC were born that if i could help it I should not leave them with a nanny or at any formalised childcare and got very judgey if I made moves towards having some outside help. I ignored this and have had childcare in the past, but my parents have been very negative towards nannies and playgroups I have hired: excluding them, not speaking to them, sighing every time I mention them. To persuade me against it they offered to be the childcare themselves in exchange for me not outsourcing. They launched a campaign of persuading us on all fronts - it'll save money, the children will be with people they know etc.
So we have been trying to get it right for about a year now, but the reality is that my parents do not want to take the DC when I work, they want to take the DC when it's convenient for them. And if possible they'd like me there too (and not my DH) so that they can tell me what else they think I should be doing with my life, while also watching the DC.
So it is neither proper childcare, nor a break for me, as I am at best sitting with a cup of tea with my dad telling me what I should be doing and my mum changing the baby's nappy, or making everyone (them and the DC) dinner at my parents house (because they've stipulated the "childcare" has to be at their house.
I often feel more tired involving them than having them not involved because I am taking care of five people (including their feelings) rather than three.
It has come to a head a few times and I have told them honestly that it isn't working for me. Each time I tell them this, my mum says that I shouldn't be working anyway and that a "proper mother" is with her DCs all the time (sacrifices herself at the altar of motherhood - not her words.) and the implication is that I am lazy or selfish or expecting too much out of life.
Does anyone have anything similar from their parents?
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Is this a common thing with gparents and childcare?
18 replies
shuntedrightout · 30/05/2017 19:52
OP posts:
MariafromMalmo ·
30/05/2017 19:56
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