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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What does it mean?

12 replies

Faye2611 · 30/05/2017 19:24

I know this isn't the right area for this post, but I can't post in that area yet so I have posted here instead.

This is so embarrassing, but I've got to ask someone!

I had sex for the first time with a new partner at the end of last week and since then I've not seen him, he hasn't talked about when we might see each other again and seems to have cooled off a bit (less messages etc).

Is this a sign that he didn't enjoy it? That he thought I wasn't very good? That that's all he wanted? Or is this just guys in general?

OP posts:

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Mermaidinthesea123 · 30/05/2017 19:29

Sounds like he got what he wanted and is now being a dick and doesn't need to contact you. It's nothing you did.
Sometimes they are like this.

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Tiredbutnotyetretired · 30/05/2017 19:30

Sounds game playing to me

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Lovemusic33 · 30/05/2017 19:36

Sounds like he got what he wanted , men like the chase ( and some women do too ). How long have you known him? Where did you meet?

Please don't think that it was something you did wrong. Chances are he enjoyed the chase, got what he wanted and will now move on to someone else.

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scoobydoo1971 · 30/05/2017 19:38

When men are into you, they make it obvious. My husband wore my resistance down by being persistent and following up dates with phone calls to arrange more time together. Making plans is a good sign that someone sees you as a relationship potential. There are lots of people out there looking for casual sex these days, and get a kick out of the thrill of the chase...with online dating being available there is a sweetshop effect of wondering what else is available.

Having sex with a new partner can make you feel vulnerable if they don't respond how you want them to. You can over-think things in terms of your performance, what you said, did you put them off...in all probability, you did nothing wrong. As a common courtesy, this man should have explained he didn't want to carry on dating if that was his intention. He has not, and red flags should be popping up about his character for you. He may well come back later on if he is not successful at sewing his wild oats elsewhere...but remember how awkward you feel right now when he does.

There is nothing wrong with having sex early-on if you want to, but you should give some thought to if you had sex in the hope of securing a relationship as opposed to the heat of the moment. If it hurts you now, it is probably because you are disappointed about how things turned out and feel a bit used. However, in the future you can choose to think of sex as being separate from a relationship and just a fun thing. Or you can wait until you have secured the sort of committed dating relationship where sex is the icing on the cake. A man with good intentions towards you would be happy to wait.

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Faye2611 · 30/05/2017 19:54

We met about 7 months ago, but only started seeing each other as more than friends about 6 weeks ago. We met through a volunteer thing that we both do.

He did call me on Saturday to check that I was ok with everything and that's about it.

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TheNaze73 · 31/05/2017 07:55

Sounds like a one and done. Sorry

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HildaOg · 31/05/2017 10:24

He sounds like an arsehole. Don't take it personally. Some men do that. They love the thrill of chasing a woman and are very persistent, as soon as they get sex, hunt over, onto the next one.

I would suggest not seeing him again tbh. The way he is behaving, he's not looking for a relationship with you, if he asks to see you again it'll probably be for a shag so be wary of that.

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CaoNiMartacus · 31/05/2017 10:42

Grade A fuckboy, that one.

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pudding21 · 31/05/2017 12:56

I'm going to go against the grain here and say hes retreated to assess his feelings. You have known him a while and now have ventured into different territory. It could be he got what he wanted and doesn't want to proceed, or it could be he has retreated into his man cave to think and try and get his feelings in order.

Take it easy, be cool. If he doesn't come back to you, lesson learnt I guess. If he does, then go slowly, some men just freak out. Not all men as bastards.

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Faye2611 · 31/05/2017 17:04

Pudding21, do men really do that? Maybe that is what it is, I don't know. I guess it could just as easily be what everyone else is saying though. How long do I leave it before I resign myself to the fact that he just isn't interested though?

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magoria · 31/05/2017 17:15

I would treat it as if he isn't interested and move on with your life.

If he comes back before you have moved on you can try something.

If you move on the he missed out.

Don't wait around for him, life is too short.