Without going on too much, we were together nearly 10 years, 2 children.
History of emotional abuse, jealousy and one incidence of violence. I eventually got the courage to leave when he would stop paying our household bills to fund nights out and regularly not come home after nights drinking (our baby was newborn).
We have been co-parenting reasonably well up until now but I fear this was mainly due to him believing we would eventually get back together, this has been made clear to him now that we have no chance of this happening. Since then I have had late night phone calls, messages, emails telling me how depressed he is, life isnt worth living etc.
Yesterday he text me saying he was on a bridge and wanted to jump, left me a voicemail saying he loves us and hes sorry. I called his dad to get in contact with him (and didnt engage with him directly).
He would be due to see the children over this weekend, I dont want to see him and didnt want to stop the children seeing him but I am worried about him having the children given his mental state. His parents are away this weekend so cant 'keep an eye' please help. Should I withhold contact?? Im worried he could use the children to hurt me, i.e. not bringing them home or that he will just be neglectful given his low moods.
You cannot leave your children in the hands of a man with suicidal thoughts. Refuse contact, or arrange for him to meet you all at a suitable public venue. Keep the texts and voicemails as you may need them for court evidence. You cannot predict his moods precisely so you need to seek an arrangement with him informally or legally through the courts about supervised visitation until his mental health concerns are stabilised. In fact you may be helping him in doing so because he is forced to seek professional help which he needs if he is going to parent these children.
I dont feel like he is genuinely suicidal, I think he is most probably trying to force me to talk/communicate with him and manipulate my emotions. I obviously cant be sure though so need to look into my options now.
A public place may be a good idea actually as my eldest is old enough to understand he should be seeing him tommorow. The thought of seeing him though makes me feel sick.
If he told you he was suicidal then you cannot leave your children with him unsupervised. Doesn't matter if you think he wasn't genuine. What if he was? And what if your children were with him at the time.
I would contact social services and get some help with this.
OP can you buy yourself time this weekend? Is there a way to cancel contact today? Can you tell him DC are sick, come up with a last minute plan you'd forgotten. Then you have a bit of time to think about what you should do.
If you can't cancel then definitely stay with the children.
I let stbxh take DC when I was worried because I couldn't stand up to him. They were fine but the worry was horrendous and in hindsight I put my children at risk.
Next time he threatens suicide call emergency services. The police will turn up. If he is genuinely in a bad way they will help, if he's emotionally abusing you he will get a bollocking. More importantly he will realise you won't be manipulated. Do not tell him that this is what you will do next time.
I would want a contact centre used. I'd be worried his parents left him alone with the children, as they will just see their son as a good man.
Keep the texts. Screen shot them too.
I would see a solicitor Monday and not let the children see him today.