Hi, I'm 18 and I need somebody/somewhere to talk. My siblings and I have lived with our mum since I was in early primary school, my parents divorced a few years later. I don't really remember living with my dad but the contact that was arranged was every Friday afternoon and every other Saturday.
My dad was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive towards my mum. It's had a big impact on her and her self confidence is still quite low, as is mine. Although to the outside my dad appears charming and friendly, he treated my mum terribly and still does when he gets the chance. He doesn't pay the child maintenance he's meant to and owes several thousand in arrears.
I've visited my dad practically every weekend as the contact was set out for about 12 years now. However I'm now 18 and I don't like that he just expects me to continue coming and spending most of my weekend with him when I'd often rather be at home studying, being with friends or just doing my own thing. No other 18 year old has the same ties every weekend. I'm too scared to be assertive and speak up about it though and often just agree with whatever he wants because it's just easier. He says he loves me, but I don't understand that, because surely you don't treat the mother of the child that you love the way he does, you don't deny the child that you love the money that you owe them, you don't slag off the child's mother and grandparents and cousins in front of them. Sometimes I really resent him and I'm becoming bitter and I don't want to feel like that. There's always a doubt in the back of my mind that maybe he does love me and it'll hurt him if I say no and I don't want to hurt anyone. I wish I didn't have to deal with this for years to come, I can't. I know he'll just expect me to continue doing what he wants and seeing him every week on his terms. He sends me long texts and talks to me like I'm a child still and I don't even want to reply because I have nothing to say to him. I don't hate him or anything, I just want to lead a separate life to his. I don't know how to communicate what I want to him because he might get angry or upset and that upsets me. It really upsets me not having a proper dad in my life and it affects my relationship with men in general. I find it hard to trust them and relate to them. I'd like to talk to somebody about it all but I don't have anyone to talk to.
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Relationships
Daughter of emotionally abusive father
9 replies
islaverde · 19/05/2017 14:50
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