I have been with my now husband for 15 years, 2 of them married.
We've been through all the ups and downs! And there have been a lot!
Since he turned 40 last year he is drinking a lot at weekends. And I mean a lot! At first I thought it was midlife crisis! Then it was Christmas/new year/family weddings etc. But it's continued and continued and continued.
He drinks to the point he's stumbling around and it does cause arguments because he becomes moody/paranoid etc.
I don't drink anymore. So that's already a hurdle in a way. It does not bother me other people drink at all. It just doesn't agree with me so I stopped. So it's not like it's a religious belief, or a lifestyle choice I expect to impose on others by any means. But he uses that as an excuse at times. (You don't drink so expect me not to etc)
I've told him the binge drinking worries me, it puts me on edge, it causes arguments (which at times he agrees with) and ruins our weekends as he literally drinks from getting in Friday evening to Sunday evening. He starts as early as he can (usually lunchtime on a Saturday and Sunday) and I just feel this impending doom feeling because it's not like we're out! We're home! So I have to sit with someone who becomes increasingly loud/ranting/paranoid as the day/evening goes on then stumbles around and goes to bed. Sometimes speaking to me sometimes not depending on what has occurred.
We went away for our anniversary. He got so drunk we were back at hotel by 8pm and I just thought I could be home in my own space instead of stuck in a hotel room bored watching rubbish TV by myself while he sleeps it off.
However I listen to other people's marriage woes. Where their husbands are out till all hours, or cheat etc and he isn't like that at all. I've even suggested he goes out to drink as maybe he drinks so much at home because he's bored?!
But he's a good man other than that he works hard, he looks after us, he does his chores (still a slob but aren't they all!) but he's very critical of a lot of things to do with me like my cooking (despite his family always saying it's amazing) my lack of common sense, and stupid things. All designed to put me down to make him feel better I'm sure! And he's making me hate him. I'll be honest! Slowly but surely I can feel myself resenting him, when he calls me I don't think I ever don't think "what now" before replying. He makes me feel on edge because he explodes at minor things at times (as I do also sometimes!) and is a very alpha male who seems to think i should be some 1950s housewife when I'm out earning too and actually sometimes earn more than him.
But i list off all the things he does wrong, and it's all I focus on! Do I ever see any good?? I guess I'm asking if I'm so consumed by how I should be treated, how I expect to be treated (like a queen!!) that I only focus on the bad?
I don't see the good? Like he works hard, when I was at risk of redundancy coached me through all my interviews, sent me supportive messages and told me never to worry as we would survive if I didn't get a new job in time. My puppy was unwell he paid 2k for treatment that we didn't get back, (insurance issues!) and never complained, he cooks me dinner every night as he's home first and caters for my fussiness!
I too point out his flaws (he burps continuously!!!!!! Leaves his clothes where he takes them off, puts plates in the sink not the dishwasher next to it! Etc!) so is that any different to him picking at things he sees as wrong?
I just feel like we are in a negative cycle of only seeing the bad things? And the drinking hasn't helped. I have even asked him if he drinks so much at the weekend because it's the time he spends with me? Does he need to drink to get through it!! (I'm open to this feedback!)
I've tried talking to him about all of the above, he dismisses all of it. And if I even remotely suggest the drink is an issue he behaves a few weeks then goes back to it again. And like I say I don't expect him to stop! But I'm pretty sure all of my couple friends that drink together don't get so smashed they row and can't make it to bed on their own?
He doesn't touch a drop in the week but he literally has like an internal alarm inside that counts down to Friday and he literally craves it it's like a NEED to drink. I don't want to head much further down this path I'm worried we'll end up a bitter couple who despise each other. I see couples on tv and think ....yeah we're not like that at all!
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Am I too one sided??
9 replies
Nowamrs32 · 15/05/2017 15:19
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