Don't know what to do

[AugustMum6886]

Hi all. I need some advice on something and if anyone else has gone through same sort of thing. My partner and i have been together almost 3 years. We've been engaged for almost a year of that and are expecting a baby in August. I've had ongoing issues with one of his female friends. She is married. I've never even really met her but she is so rude to me for absolutely no reason and it gets me down. It gets me down that he doesn't say anything to her, if it was the other way round i would say something to my friend, and probably consider no longer being their friend if they didn't stop it. But maybe that is just my principles. I've made it clear to him that i'm not happy them being friends as i find it disrespectful from him that he lets someone say nasty things about his fiancee and mother of his unborn baby. Before anyone says anything, he has other female friends and i have no problem with them as they have no problem with me. Last week he went to Netherlands to visit family (he is originally from there). He promised he wasn't going to see her while he was over there. He said he was annoyed at her anyway (she let a plant die that had been a present from his late grandma, he had had it a while). Anyway long story short, he comes back and tells me he'd just seen her husband (his original friend) and not her. I found out he had lied so i asked again and he still said he hadn't. Eventually he admitted it 2 days later after i didn't drop it. I'm so annoyed that he saw her but i'm more annoyed that he lied. All he seems to do is lie to me. I'm already thinking of breaking up with him. I want him to be a dad still but i can't take being lied to all the time and feeling like he is choosing her over me :/

[DelphiniumBlue]

Not sure I understand your post.
If you've never met her, how's is she rude to you?
And your partner is annoyed because she " let " a plant die? That would be his plant, but her responsibility? How does he know she let it die, rather than it just dying? And that was the reason he didn't want to see her? ?
None of this makes much sense to me, is there a back story?

[hellsbellsmelons]

I agree with PP.
How can she be 'rude' to you?
If you've never met?
And I agree with you. It's totally disrespectful to you.
He lies and deceives you all the time.
The reason he does is it because you let him!
He has no consequences so why would he change that.
Really look at this.
What does he do that is good for you?
There's no respect so I wonder what he 'has'!?

[Kittencatkins123]

What kinds of rude things has she said to you? Have you tried to be friends with her? Is there any way you could be misinterpreting her (e.g. brusque manner, bitchy resting face). What is her behaviour like with other people?

How long has he known her and why is it so important to him to maintain the friendship? Or is it partly that he doesn't want to deal with the fallout of ending the friendship?

What does he say when you mention how rude she is etc? Does he take it onboard or make excuses/say you're imagining it?

It's very frustrating that he lied.

[AugustMum6886]

She is technically the wife of his friend who he has then become friends with. He says all the time that he's not 'really friends with her' but then why go to so much effort to see her when he knows it upsets me. I've met her literally once. She just makes snide comments on things on facebook and he's told me she's said things. And about the plant, she forgot to water it. He messages her then deletes the conversations.

[AugustMum6886]

He always says 'oh yeah i agree, that isn't nice that she has commented that' etc but then does absolutely nothing about it. Feel like he's more bothered about not upsetting her than me. And the fact he doesn't say anything just makes me feel like shit. Like she is worth more than me. I'm honestly starting to wonder if there is something between them, i really don't know..

[Heathcliffitsme]

She's in a different country? Whose Facebook is it, yours or his?

[Heathcliffitsme]

I don't think it's worth falling out over a pot plant which is abroad.

[user1493022461]

You're going to dump the father of your child because he pretended not to have seen his friends wife so you would stop going on and on and on about this woman?

Grow up.

[BadTasteFlump]

You have a problem with your husband, not this woman.

There are plenty of people out there who have the potential to be rude and unkind to you, or your H. But as a couple you should have each other's backs. That means having whatever friends you want to, but not allowing any of those friends to be rude and unkind to/about your partner - and at the very least pulling them up on it - definitely not agreeing with them and/or going behind your partner's back to see them.

Your H seems to have his priorities skewed somewhat and you need to point that out to him. It's not about this woman - she's irrelevant and could be anybody. The point is, he should be putting you, and your feelings, first.