Quick background:
Niece was in tempestuous relationship with her girlfriend for a couple of years - lots of drama, and some violence in the past year, with partner hitting niece on several occasions. Both women are very young - 18 and niece is 19. The partner is estranged from most of her family who were abusive, and has been living in a hostel since she was 16. Niece ended relationship a couple of months ago.
Cue last night's events: following a FB spat, the ex turned up on my doorstep in a rage. I was out at work. Niece (who had been puppy sitting for me earlier in the day), my 17 year old dd, my 13 year old ds and my autistic 11 year old ds were in the house. Niece's ex (who had been here quite a few times before the split) stormed in to my kitchen shouting and started throwing glasses and a vase around. She's knocked a chunk out of the wall and traumatised my puppy who was in her pen in the kitchen. She then grabbed a knife from the side and threatened my niece with it. Both my boys were upstairs and could hear screaming and glasses breaking downstairs. DD called the police and the ex stormed off, threatening to come back with other people to sort my niece out.
The police arrived as DH got back from work to a scene of utter chaos. My youngest was particularly upset, phoning me at work in tears. This morning he's extremely angry and agitated about what happened.
According to SIL, niece doesn't want to make a statement about what happened because she feels sorry for ex and is worried about her getting a custodial sentence. DD (who witnessed most of it) is also not keen to make a statement. I want them both to make statements because I think the ex's welfare shouldn't take precedence over my dc's need to feel safe in their own home and to see that domestic violence is taken seriously by the police and by the law.
What could I say to niece which would persuade her that giving evidence is the right thing to do? I don't think she's massively fearful of her ex, despite what happened last night. I think she's more fearful for her and feels guilty. I wonder if a prosecution could have a positive impact on dd's ex's life in the long run - maybe pull her up short and let her see that she can't go on like she is. She's a bright and talented girl but her life is so awful - so much dysfunction and lack of direction, as well as recreating the violence she obviously grew with.
At the moment I feel really sad, like my children are coming into contact with violence in so many areas of their lives. There was a double stabbing inside their school last year, then a murder on the high street about 600 yards from my house, that a boy from dd's class was charged with. I was thinking it's all too close to home, and now it's IN my home, and I know my children will be affected by it. I don't want them to feel violence is not something to take really, really seriously. I don't want it normalised. Particularly not domestic violence. :-(
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What can I say to persuade niece to give evidence against violent ex?
15 replies
Sabire · 26/04/2017 11:28
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