My 'Pissy Fits'

[SnickerDove]

Agggghhhh. Just need to rant.

I'm SO mad. My OH has just switched off to me emotionally.

I'm 13 weeks tomorrow. Since pregnant, I've been diagnosed with gum disease, a UTI, BV and now have another suspected UTI. I'm on antibiotics, have been spotting and just feel like shit in general.

Knowing wherever I raise an issue with OH, it will turn into 'me' being the issue and a blazing row, I messaged OH this morning. Hoping a well thought through msg would be read, understood and explain how I'm feeling.

Well, it was read and not a single thing was mentioned by OH. Apparently it was all my fault - when he went to bed last night & didn't say goodnight, I 'reacted badly' and should have just got into bed and cuddled him. I admit - I was a bit taken back when I thought OH was going for a shower & coming back down to watch TV, I find him asleep in bed.

I'm exhausted and SO fed up of having to wave my hands around frantically for him to even notice I'm being affected physically and emotionally at the moment.

I just feel like giving up - maybe living as passing ships and not bothering to tell him how I feel. What's the point when it's just put on me? This isn't the relationship I want, but I need him to make some form of effort. In reverse, I would just give him the biggest cuddle and support. How can men be so cold? And for what reason??

So sad

Thoughts appreciated

[OhhBetty]

Sorry he's being a dick op. Nice men aren't like this. Has he always turned things around to make them your fault?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

When did he start being a dick?

[pallasathena]

Some men don't do the tough stuff and can't cope when life throws things at them that interferes with their sense of wellbeing.
I have problems with DH when I'm ill. He doesn't 'do', illness (unless its his own) and becomes withdrawn, difficult to communicate with but careful to make sure I'm looked after with regular meals, medicines, but no cuddles, no gentle enquiries as to how I'm feeling. In fact, he wanders around with a gloomy expression.
Its frustrating and I used to get really wound up and really upset about it until he told me, years ago, that if I'm ill, he feels as if his world is imploding and he feels frightened because he can't 'fix it' so he focuses on practicalities...and feeling sorry for himself.
Maybe, your partner has a similar avoidance gene....

[Believeitornot]

Does he admit to mistakes? Are things always someone else's fault?

[OhhBetty]

pallasathena that sounds like excuses to me I'm afraid! You pull it together for people you care about. And men are just as capable as women, we shouldn't excuse them based on their genitals.

[Adora10]

Nothing to do with men, it's your man OP that's being a dick; to me the signs of a strong supported relationship are when things are tough, that's when you find out who has your back; you may find it easier to go it alone instead of waiting on him being decent.

[Adora10]

Sorry but it's a pretty poor show if your own OH can't even look after you during times if illness and pregnancy, fgs, they can see with their eyes, they choose not to support, nothing to do with some men either; stop making excuses for them.

[Offred]

It is somewhat something to do with 'men'...

I say that with the caveat that I agree this is not how good men behave.

The way society socialises men to avoid social responsibility and to rely on women to provide all of the emotional, social and domestic heavy lifting is why so many men do not pick up the slack to help a woman who is ill/struggling.

I do not think he will change on this if he has been socialised this way - it has obvious advantages for him.

[Jux]

You need a good talk. Was the pg planned? Did he want childen? Maybe he doesn't feel ready?

Whatever, it does.n't make him a good partner when he's zbehaaving like this so early in the pg. what's he going to be lke when the baby's here and you're both sleep deprived and broke?

(MY keybrd haaas gone nuts, apols) to