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DH messing with my head

(2 Posts)
Tigerstripes Fri 21-Apr-17 00:08:15

I'm feeling really lost and don't know what to do. DH and I have a 9 month old. For the last few months our relationship has got worse and worse. We only talk about DS, we never have sex or any intimacy/affection at all. We have some money issues.
I thought the problem was money. That DH resented me because he works all hours (is self employed) and I was made redundant just before DS was born and haven't been able to find work since.
Now it turns out that he has in fact been angry and resentful for years, since I had (and still have) depression. He said he's felt alone. I asked the other day if he still loves me and he said he still has feelings for me and cares for me. I took that as a no and was devastated. I feel betrayed and that everything in the last couple of years has been a lie, that he's had all these poisonous feelings towards me and I had no idea. Then yesterday he said he'd thought about it and he did still love me and wanted to make it work. I feel all over the place. I have no friends or family to talk about this with. I want to make it work but I don't know what to believe now or how to feel or what to do next.

Catrina1234 Fri 21-Apr-17 00:32:36

So sorry things are not good for you and DH. You must be feeling pretty shattered with a 9 month old - how much sleep are you getting? And has your depression got worse since the baby arrived as I'm sure you know you can get PND but assume you've had that checked out. I suffer from recurring depressive disorder which means my depression comes and goes from day to day sometimes. Do you get relief from medication?

You say DH works all hours but so do you! And if you do find work who would care for the baby as you say you have no friends or family. Child care is ridiculously expensive in a nursery (around £40 per day) so you'd need to be earning a hell of a lot to make a profit.

I'm so sorry DH is feeling angry and resentful because depression sucks away at or self esteem anyway without someone blaming us. My DH is supportive and if he ever said anything like that I just don't now how I'd react. I'd certainly be thinking of splitting up. What does he mean that he feels alone - have you asked him what it is that he wants from you to prevent him feeling alone. You mention you feel betrayed and that everything in the last 2 years has been a lie - why 2 years - do you mean getting pregnant and the birth of your baby.

Don't let him call the shots, as to whether he loves you or not, think about how you feel towards him - you are just as important as he is in this relationship. You don't have to do anything at the moment - is he capable of rational discussion so that you can get things out in the open - I think you might be beating yourself up, "poisonous feelings" - did he use those words.

Hate to say this but is there any chance that there's another woman around. It's just that men often start making excuses about their partner's disposition at times like this - it's just a thought.

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