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Has anyone tried to rekindle old friendships? How?

7 replies

HarryPottersMagicWand · 15/04/2017 23:16

I've been thinking about this lately.

I was part of a group of friends but there were some issues between me and one of them and as a result, I ended up out. I'm still on good terms with 2 and talk to another if I see her, which is rare, but since the minor falling out, I was never invited by any of them again.

It has been bugging me as it was minor and a mixture of crossed wires I think and minor fault on both sides. But then part of me thinks she was a bit of a cow to me, but she thought I was ditching them in favour another group, I wasnt. I felt that she didn't really like me, but I tend to think that about everyone. I've struggled with MH issues for years and wanted to just take a step back from everything but must have done it badly. I'm also waiting for an assessment for aspergers as I do have social difficulties.

Anyway, it's been bothering me lately as I have friends but they never seem to have time for me, I may get a quick hour of their time if I'm lucky. I feel pretty isolated and lost at the moment. This group, we did have some fun and all our DCs got on well. We had great days ou and I miss it.

Do you think I should try and contact the one I had the falling out with? What would I even say? I hate confrontation and can't deal with it. I get panicky and would rather just hide away from it but I can't keep going through life like this, although I don't seem to have the social skills to deal with it properly.

OP posts:

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pallasathena · 16/04/2017 00:28

No, I'd just let it go and work on establishing new friendships through either joining new leisure style groups or signing up for one or two evening classes. These types of friendship have a shelf life OP and unless you have a history that goes way, way, back, its pointless trying to hang on to a relationship that's fizzles out naturally.
Time to move on, establish new routines, new relationships because nothing but nothing is static or remains static in life. You change, other people change. And when change happens, its best to move on and not dwell on what was or might have been.

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noego · 16/04/2017 00:35

Don't ask, don't know. If it goes tits up you just remain exactly in the same position as you are today. If it does go tits up then move on.

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Pebbles1989 · 16/04/2017 17:55

I agree that it's perhaps best to move on and put your energies into other friendships and/or meeting new people. I recently rekindled things with a friend I'd "grown apart" from, only for her to cancel on me twice at the last minute and make it clear she really didn't care. Friendships usually fizzle out for a good reason.

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justyourstandardusername · 16/04/2017 18:02

Friendships often fizzle out unfortunately, I had a similar situation with old school friends and whilst it did hurt, it did me good to move on and make new friends that actually care and make the effort...

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 16/04/2017 20:14

I don't want to do evening classes just to make new friends. I find it odd when this is often trotted out on MN as a solution to being isolated. I don't know anyone who has ever done evening classes. I can't afford it and have no inclination either. I do attend a group exercise thing once a week, I find them very cliquey and no one even acknowledges me apart from the instructor who I already know. Having social issues doesn't make it great for making new friends. I've been on a course recently and attended 2 support type groups, I've made no friends from any of them despite getting on fine with people on all of them.

The problem is, I don't feel that it was growing apart that was the issue. This did happen with my best friend, she changed and I'm not the only one who thought so and I felt that we were becoming totally different people. In my OP, it was more of my anxiety/health issues caused me to pull back, one in the group took offence to this and wrongly thought I was ditching them in favour for others and it kind of fizzled out after that. I'm still in touch with all but 3 from the group, it's just the group don't include me, if I want to see the ones I'm in touch with, it's on an individual basis, apart from one who moved away.

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justyourstandardusername · 16/04/2017 20:29

If you want to carry on seeing some of them individually, go for it. Just try not to let it get you down if they do things as a group without you, that's the way it goes.

As for making new friends, I know it sounds cliche but I have found that I make new friends when I'm not looking for them. Often through work. I don't know if this is an option for you?

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 16/04/2017 21:37

I don't work. I am looking but not having any success at the moment. I'd find the odd social work thing enough to keep me going, if it was an option .