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I can't keep going like this

(5 Posts)
CountessYgritte Fri 07-Apr-17 21:47:41

I am worried about being outed irl on here so have put off posting

I just don't want to do this anymore. DH is depressed and finding it impossible to deal with our family life. He doesn't believe in using anti-d and thinks the problem all lies with me.

Our child has complex SN and is very hard to live with. There is virtually no support despite being on the CAMHS treadmill. He is refusing to take meds and blames me for the arguments between DH and me.

I had undiagnosed PND for many years. After a couple of years of anti-ds I feel as though I have found myself again. This has coincided with DH being depressed and being very unkind about me taking anti-d. I have put on weight and he is openly nasty about this. Says why don't I have a problem with it. Looks at me in disgust then why I stand up for myself says that all women are mental about weight and he is just speaking the truth. He has a problem his wife is on anti-d and seems offended. Doesn't take into account that everyday life is horrendous and stressful and isolating.

He pulls away and shuts himself in his study when he can't cope. I get left to sort out everything. I never can pull away even though I need a break because I can never rely on him to cope.

I feel I am the only adult in this relationship and am a carer for him. He is always angry and self pitying. The kids are beginning to copy him. I am the safe parent who never walks away do they take out all of their stress on me.

I feel like I can no longer cope. I don't have anyone to talk to. I am a sahm. I used to be independent and confident. Now I can't believe this is my life. The kids think he is great and I am falling apart.

He thinks we just need to go out on date nights. I said it is the day to day stuff which is killing us. I am being talked to like I am shit by him and ds. My family think we just need a romantic break. It feels as though it is my responsibility to make everything better. I am trying but he is not. Why do I have to do everything?? I am responsible for myself and my kids. I can't make a stubborn adult better when they will not see the problem.

I feel like just walking away but I could never do that to the kids.

Obsidian77 Fri 07-Apr-17 21:55:18

Sorry op, that sounds incredibly tough. No advice, just sympathy.

Bottlesoflove Sat 08-Apr-17 09:29:19

It looks like now you are recovering from your own mental illness, that used to keep you down and "in your place", he has now created his own to control you and give him an excuse to put you down. Depressed or no, that is no excuse to talk to you the way he does. He is an abusive test and I would seriously consider what, if anything he adds to your life. X

BeKind89 Sat 08-Apr-17 10:44:09

So sorry for what you're going through OP.

It's really important that you keep taking your anti d's. Forget what anyone says, your mental health is so much more important that putting on some weight.

But somethings got to give, let's be honest. You aren't happy with DH right now. Just because he's depressed doesn't mean he can treat you like shit. If he doesn't want to take control of his own health then there really isn't much you can do for him.
So why bother?
If he's having a bad day or being an asshole, ignore him. Take the kids to the park. Don't let them see it. Let him be by himself and soon he'll realise that the only one keeping him from being happy is himself.

If you still really love this man and you really want to be together for the rest of your life, then don't give up - but don't take anymore shit. If he's against anti d's then ask your GP for couples councelling. Might take a while but it's better than nothing?
Arrange a night out or away?
But there's only so much you can do.
You have to take care of yourself first and foremost, before you can take care of anyone else.

DM me if you'd like to chat xx

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 08-Apr-17 11:51:18

Don't walk away. Kick him out.

Date nights. Romantic get away. Ha ha ha. They all want you to shut the fuck up and be the slave.

Get rid of him and day to day life could get much easier.

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