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When the adrenaline wears off...

(6 Posts)
Passthebiscuitspls Thu 30-Mar-17 12:30:51

I threw my husband out in January after discovering an affair. He had gaslighted me for some time "I love you but not in love with you" and all that bollocks. I knew something was happening but ended up proving it. I began divorce proceedings straight away.

Although this is literally my worst nightmare, I have remained strong throughout, we have children so I can't fall apart, it just isn't an option.

The last week I'm not sure if it's starting to hit my properly or this is just how I'll feel for a while but I feel more broken now than 3 months ago. I feel lonely at night and more teary in the day than I have done. Is this normal? I feel a bit stuck at the minute. I know what I'm going to do going forward, I.e job, change houses etc but I can't really get on with any of it until the divorce has progressed further.

I realise everyone is different, I was just hoping someone had felt he same? And that I'll get back to feeling strong and not 'on the edge'. X

hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Mar-17 13:06:30

Indeed - you run adrenalin for so long and then the crash happens.
All your emotions take over and then you start the grieving process.
It's a horrible place to be.
After 15 years with my ExH it took me a good year before the clouds started clearing.
Give yourself time.
Allow yourself to grieve for the life you should have had, had planned for.
But life will improve and it will get better.

Isadora2007 Thu 30-Mar-17 13:13:49

The stages of grief include anger, bargaining, denial, depression and acceptance. And they don't follow any set pattern and you can revisit stages. So what you are feeling is normal and it too will pass. It sounds like you used a form of distraction at the beginning by taking action and doing things. Now as you say stuff needs to wait til the divorce is progressing further and so this "space" is enabling you to feel the emotions you have been holding off and avoiding. There is no right or wrong and no handbook. It is what it is, and what works for you may be different from what worked for others.
If I recall I used box sets of DVDs (non challenging ones like the waltons and the simpsons- weirdly I found comfort in fake happy families!) and changing my bedroom from "our" room to "mine" as I stayed in the family home.
Talking to my friend who was also going through similar helped, as did posting in online forums.

This too shall pass. You're completely normal. And this is too. This does not mean you're not coping or that you're not strong. flowers

Trustyourself2 Thu 30-Mar-17 13:26:33

I don't think there's a normal way to act or feel. However you're feeling just now is your way. It's all ups & downs. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Hermonie2016 Thu 30-Mar-17 13:50:47

Adrenalin and anger definitely keeps the grief at bay but when that subsides you are hit by the underlying emotions.

There is a divorce support thread and most of us feel the same, the unknowns for the future plus sheer exhaustion from the emotions.
I am 5 months in and had hoped for a reasonably amicable separation but stbxh ramped up the aggressiveness straight away so I fluctuate with a whole range of emotions.Sadness hit me a while ago and still does at times, just had to agree splitting holidays for dcs which was a reality check for the future.
It definitely isn't something that you can get through easily so just know you will be upset for a period of time but it will get better.
At times I struggle to realise it's actually happening but other times (When I remember his behaviour) I feel grateful that he's no longer here.

Passthebiscuitspls Thu 30-Mar-17 14:55:17

Thanks all for your responses. I do feel better knowing others have been through the same and have come out the other side. I suppose I just need to face reality now and try and get used to our new 'normal'

I totally agree with the pp that I need to grieve for my future that I thought I'd have. That's what I'm finding hard to deal with. My life was mapped out and now it's not. And everything is on my shoulders now. It feels stifling somehow.

But, I will get there! X

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