Leaving spouse

[Cheyanne8]

Hi. I have thought about leaving my DP for around 9 months and feel like I have made up my mind.
We are engaged to be married, together 7 years, 2 children 1 and 6, have mortgage in principle for a house and due to buy in the summer. Currently renting, I am a SAHM and he earns 1000-1200 net pw.
I know it sounds malicious, but should I stay until the house is bought to protect my children's future? Or because I am the one to leave, should I leave the house with the kids and rent elsewhere?
I could afford the rent here whilst working, i would be on minimum wage due to being out of the workforce for a few years. He could still buy on his own.
I just need someone to talk this through with - please help me help myself!

[Gallavich]

As you aren't married then waiting to buy the house won't do anything especially if you couldn't afford to buy him out.
You should just make the move tbh.

[RandomMess]

I think it would be a mistake to let him buy the house, as you're not married unless you are going on the deeds you will have zero stake in the house!

[Cheyanne8]

I so want to sort this out with him but he cannot see my point of view or admit that things need to change so where does that leave us? Things cannot continue

[Cheyanne8]

I don't want to have any money from the house but I know he will let me stay there. I then have a safe house for my children. These are the lines I am thinking along, I'd appreciate any 'devils advocate advice' so to speak.

[Goforit2017]

So in effect he would be buying you a house?

[Cheyanne8]

Until I can financially afford move out, which due to inheritance and saving from future job would be probably be in a years time.

[NeonGod73]

Why do you want to leave him?

[Cheyanne8]

I have scraped the last dregs of my dignity, confidence and ambition off the floor after 2 years of coldness, of being ignored, strategic incompetence and 'punishments'. I can't take anymore, i feel agitated even at my children lately. This isn't me, I feel stifled.

[Cheyanne8]

There's no hope is there.. this is my life

[PaterPower]

Well he's not going to have 1 - 1.2K net left after the child maintenance comes out of it, so do the decent thing and tell him now, assuming you've made your mind up.

He's going to find it bloody hard to afford mortgage payments and the CM to pay you and find a deposit and rent for somewhere to live himself and then feed himself, pay bills etc. Be honest with him, unless your intention is to punish him financially (in which case crack on).

[Cheyanne8]

He has 21k savings after buying the 'family home' so I think he should be okay.
I want a clean break, but not at the expense of the children's housing stability.

[AcrossthePond55]

I think you see to see a solicitor regarding staying vs leaving because of a house purchase. If the house is purchased in his name you'll have no rights to it at all since you aren't married.