Hello,
Until last night I had a less than ideal marriage, but one I was prepared to settle for. Now I am scared, weepy, muddled up, and don't know what to do.
The background is very complicated. I am British but have lived abroad since I married DH. We are currently in a third country but spent most time in DH's home country.
DH has expressed controlling tendencies before, but it has always been well within bounds of what is considered a husband's right in his home country. He is quite jealous and likes to know everything. When we first got together he made a couple of empty threats but has since mellowed greatly and things have been pretty good.
Last night when he came home from work, he found me shouting at DD. I was wrong, I shouldn't have shouted at her and I don't have an excuse. I then noticed that DS was eating her pencil and said 'Jesus Christ' under my breath. He went absolutely crazy. The look in his eye was enough to believe that in that moment of anger he could easily have killed someone. He bellowed 'What did you say?' and some other stuff I don't remember in the loudest voice I have ever heard and kicked a large stool across the room. He then came to stand right over me. I cowered in the corner and couldn't help shaking. DD has so far shown no signs of being worried although she must have been, except for asking once why I was shaking. DS who is younger ran to be hugged by DH and when I finally was able to move and sit on the sofa he came to me and threw himself into my arms. It was about half an hour before he was able to speak.
Last night I was determined to leave but I am losing my resolve. The main factor is that I would have to leave third country in secret and return to UK as I have no money and no job. DF is coming to visit this weekend and I could go home with him but 1. It would be child abduction and breaking the law. 2. The kids love DH and if I left could never see him or his lovely extended family again, since his home country is Egypt and I am sure that if he was able to access them he would abduct them and I would never see them again.
I don't feel that I am overreacting in being terrified of him but I don't think that DCs would ever forgive me and I am not sure I would forgive myself. DH has UK visa and knows all family addresses so would also worry about him showing up.
Last night he first played the martyr, insisting that I serve his food myself and then being 'too upset to eat'. He later apologised but in a minimising way, saying that all he asks for is a smile when he comes home from work and a tidy house. I apologised to keep the peace and make sure he thought everything is ok.
He apologised again this morning and then called at lunchtime saying that he wants us to have a nice evening tonight which makes me think that he knows he fucked up and so maybe isn't as convinced as I think that I am ok with him.
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I'm a quivering mess, please help
toomanydaisychains · 24/03/2017 13:50
You must feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. How long do you have to leave for the DCs? Do you think you could sit up or roll out of bed, keep breathing nice and slowly and do a few stretches? One step at a time. Hopefully you'll feel steady enough to go for the children. Or is there someone who collect them for you?
Other people will have advice about the bigger situation. Hand hold 
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