A bit of background - after several very difficult years I started dating again last year. Went on lots of dates, had lots of fun, a few fwb type arrangements and one rather complicated 6 month relationship. I was just starting to tire of it all then met lovely NM. I wasn't in a great place when we first met due to the previous relationship but decided to see how it went and I am so glad I did. He is just the most amazing man, attractive, funny, hard working, kind, loving and very generous (not to mention great in bed ). He has a great relationship with his two grown up dc and his ex-wife which speaks volumes to me. Things are going really well, we've met each others children (he's been fab with my two young sons). We're not rushing into anything but have talked and are both committed and see a future for us.
All good.... so why can't I just let myself enjoy it? Why am I constantly tormenting myself questioning why he's with me, what he sees in me, if he's really over his ex. We had words yesterday, it really wasn't a big issue and we have sorted it out and both apologised - but now I am agonising over what I said (even though I don't think it was unreasonable in the circumstances) and if it's changed how he feels about me.
Though you'd probably never know it to meet me (outwardly I am a happy, confident, professional women ha) - I've always had major self confidence issues. If I'm honest it all just feels a bit too good to be true and deep down I don't feel 'good enough'. I haven't expressed any of this to him btw, but he's not a stupid man and I think he realises I'm not as confident as I first appeared. and he also knows some of the issue of from my childhood that probably contribute to how I feel about myself. I think that's my worry really, that he will realise what/who I really am and leave me so I'm trying to prepare myself. What scares me most is that it will become a self fulfilling prophecy and I'll drive him away - its already crossed my mind on several occasions that maybe it would be better just to break it off now rather than let myself get even more hurt further down the line. What the hell is the matter with me?
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Please stop me sabotaging this relationship
7 replies
Whatswrongwithme333 · 21/03/2017 15:19
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