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Please stop me sabotaging this relationship

(8 Posts)
Whatswrongwithme333 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:19:50

A bit of background - after several very difficult years I started dating again last year. Went on lots of dates, had lots of fun, a few fwb type arrangements and one rather complicated 6 month relationship. I was just starting to tire of it all then met lovely NM. I wasn't in a great place when we first met due to the previous relationship but decided to see how it went and I am so glad I did. He is just the most amazing man, attractive, funny, hard working, kind, loving and very generous (not to mention great in bed wink ). He has a great relationship with his two grown up dc and his ex-wife which speaks volumes to me. Things are going really well, we've met each others children (he's been fab with my two young sons). We're not rushing into anything but have talked and are both committed and see a future for us.

All good.... so why can't I just let myself enjoy it? Why am I constantly tormenting myself questioning why he's with me, what he sees in me, if he's really over his ex. We had words yesterday, it really wasn't a big issue and we have sorted it out and both apologised - but now I am agonising over what I said (even though I don't think it was unreasonable in the circumstances) and if it's changed how he feels about me.

Though you'd probably never know it to meet me (outwardly I am a happy, confident, professional women ha) - I've always had major self confidence issues. If I'm honest it all just feels a bit too good to be true and deep down I don't feel 'good enough'. I haven't expressed any of this to him btw, but he's not a stupid man and I think he realises I'm not as confident as I first appeared. and he also knows some of the issue of from my childhood that probably contribute to how I feel about myself. I think that's my worry really, that he will realise what/who I really am and leave me so I'm trying to prepare myself. What scares me most is that it will become a self fulfilling prophecy and I'll drive him away - its already crossed my mind on several occasions that maybe it would be better just to break it off now rather than let myself get even more hurt further down the line. What the hell is the matter with me? sad

2014newme Tue 21-Mar-17 15:25:15

Would some counselling help your issues. It does sound like you do create drama where none is required and not everyone has an appetite for that in a relationship.

TheNaze73 Tue 21-Mar-17 19:16:08

Trusting someone is a leap of faith & takes years to be earned. It takes time.
No offence but, you do sound like you are creating your own drama & maybe anxiety counselling could help.

noego Wed 22-Mar-17 11:56:58

Thoughts of sabotage will probably result in sabotage. Remove those thoughts and what happens?

Gingerbreadlass Wed 22-Mar-17 12:08:41

It sounds like you've got very high anxiety levels. I recommend reading www.amazon.co.uk/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/0340733500?tag=mumsnetforum-21 to help you see that you can't control anything besides tour actions now and mustn't worry and fret about the future. Also, your confidence levels seem low. Do you have a good support network and friends in RL? I'd offload some of your worries on them rather than your new man. HTH

Whatswrongwithme333 Wed 22-Mar-17 13:41:16

Thank you all so much. I think you're are all right and I'm creating this unecesssary drama - luckily 99% of it is contained in my head but I'm exhausting (and boring 😂) myself silly going round in circles in my mind with all this nonsense.

I haven't spoken to any of my friends as I think they'd be very surprised - as I say, outwardly I'm happy go lucky and reasonably confident. I might do though. And in the meantime I'm going to practise a bit of mindfulness and try and push out these thoughts rather than dwelling on them.

Whatswrongwithme333 Wed 22-Mar-17 13:41:43

Sorry yes have a very good support network thankfully

hellsbellsmelons Wed 22-Mar-17 14:46:23

Counselling!
You need to deal with demons from your past in order to move on with your future.
Look into the different types and figure out which one might suit you best.
Do it soon so you can move forward.
Just enjoy this relationship for what it is right now.
No pressure.... Just enjoy!

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