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So I've met someone I like. And I'm scared.

(6 Posts)
HesitantHeart Sat 18-Mar-17 10:25:10

I've name changed because this is identifying.

I split from my husband and was immediately involved in a disastrous same sex relationship. The woman was a friend for a while before but she was honestly the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I put my complete trust in her, she made promises. She lied. She was abusive. She is a narcissist. She raised everything. And then she left me. Completely NC and made out on social media I was abusive myself and a stalker. It was awful. I was suicidal. I had a breakdown.

That was in November.

I joined a dating site for fun. But I didn't like anyone at all. I'm very fussy and selective and I have to feel a real connection to someone to even look twice. I'm not easily attracted to people. It very rarely happens. I very rarely click with people.

But then I joined FB page and there was a woman on there. I immediately thought she was beautiful and we commented on a few threads and she messaged me privately.

That was 2 weeks ago and we have talked non stop. Morning to night

She is so different from my ex. I laughed more last night than I have in the last 6 months. She makes me feel fuzzy and blush. She likes me, she's said so we flirt and its so natural.

I want to meet her but I'm so scared.

I'm scared because I like her. And I never thought i would like soneone again. Especially not so soon. I'm just scared.

I'm scared it will happen again. That I will fall in love and she will abandon me. It nearly killed me last time. And I know it's early days but I guess it's just such a shock that I woke up this morning and my first thought was her and I felt happy.

How do you trust after someone destroying your heart?

IAmHumanAndINeedToBeLoved Sat 18-Mar-17 11:21:49

I think you need to slow right down. Stop even.

This is all based on some fb chats with a stranger.

Tbh, it's not even "early days", it isn't even off the ground yet, and it won't be until you meet her.

You are already way too invested in a total stranger. You need to stop. Arrange to meet her for coffee and see if you actually get on irl; whether there is any chemistry or whether you can maintain the same level of conversation in person. You might be surprised at how different it can be.

SheldonsSpot Sat 18-Mar-17 11:26:30

Woah, cool your jets.

You're really not ready for dating, you're this infatuated already over a total stranger?

You're prime picking for a potentially abusive partner.

You need to lay off relationships for a while and do some work on yourself, your boundaries and your issues.

HesitantHeart Sat 18-Mar-17 11:34:47

You're right. I'm not ready for this at all. My ex really fucked me up. Badly. I'm still very messed up from that. I need more recovery time.

GreyDey Mon 20-Mar-17 00:53:33

I think the responses so far are a little bit harsh.

I would enjoy the crush and carry on as you are - enjoy the warm fuzzy feeling, much like you I am not often attracted to anyone and so if you have found something special then enjoy the moment. You will soon see the traits if she is anything like your ex, if she is going to be abusive you will soon find out - I found out the hard way that abuse is easy to spot when you have an online romance. See how it goes for a few weeks and see if the manipulation starts, i.e. "You haven't replied to me in hours you must be with someone else" instead of "I missed you! Glad you text me". If anything starting the beginning of a relationship online might be a good way to safeguard yourself from a potential nutcase - that being said, just because your ex was a dick doesn't mean the next one will be.

Coming out is difficult, but I find that women are much better at manipulation than men at times. We're not all abusive assholes I promise flowers

IAmHumanAndINeedToBeLoved Mon 20-Mar-17 05:09:12

Grey, but she's never met this person. That is why she received the responses she did.

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