Background - Met at Uni. Been together as a couple for 22 years. Been married for 14. In 2015 we adopted a little boy but have been suffering infertility for our whole marriage. In 2015 we also moved into Hubby's childhood home and his parents moved into the house they built at the end of the garden. (This is quite identifying, so if you know me in real life, please keep this quiet)
Problem - Hubby has always been crap at doing stuff around the house. He treats me as his personal servant, social secretary and his memory. I do all the housework, cooking, shopping, gardening and now all the childcare. When we adopted, although it was understood that I would be the primary carer and be the SAHM, I was under the impression that we would be co-parents and it wouldn't just be me doing everything. I was wrong about that. He controls all the money, I have nothing and if I spend anything I need to account for every penny. I do EVERYTHING and have to remind him to do the few jobs that I have asked him to do and to keep up with. Every single time.
I am effectively parenting my husband as well as my toddler, and I am exhausted. I have told hubby to grow the fuck up and act like a responsible adult because I need the support, and he is completely ignoring me. I have pulled him up about his behaviour every six weeks for the whole of our marriage, and I am done. It goes in one ear and out the other. I am out of patience and I am out of energy. I have suggested counselling, but he has said that I need it, not him because there is nothing wrong with him.
I am really reluctant to start proceedings though. It scares the hell out of me to be in my mid-forties and starting over again. I am not sure I can do it. It feels really unfair that if we were to separate, I would have all the trauma and the pain and he would just be mildly inconvenienced. He would probably just get his Mum to do everything for him anyway.
What would you do? Stay and suck it up or Leave and start again? I just don't know what to do. I am so confused.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Would you leave your husband under these circumstances?
2catsandadog · 14/03/2017 14:17
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