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How to cope with breakdown of abusive relationship.

(25 Posts)
Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 09:20:17

I posted on here 2 weeks ago. Very basically Exdp had sex with me whilst i was unconscious. I had drunk 4 wines but have lost about 10 hours of time that night til 11am Sunday.

About week later i seen it on his phone. I took his phone to the police
To date they've found nothing on his phone.
Blood tests showed no drugs in my system.
Dp is on Police bail.

Hes not made contact but his sister has. Shes possibly the modt unpleasant person I've ever met. Shes not been in contact with dp since mil funeral 4 years ago.

She will be coming to my house today to collect his belongings. By that i mean everything he had bought. So the TVs. The ds's xbox & play station. (Both ds have ASD & ADHD). Even the coffee machine. All tools. He has receipts for every single item. So i can't stop him.

I'm so angry. If i could get the dc out of the house i would smash every single thing into tiny bits, bag them up & throw them at Sil.

How, oh how do i deal with this?
Thankyou gor reading my rambling post!

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 09:21:52

Sorry for typos.
I know i sound aggressive but I'm angry.
When i stop being angry , i cry...

highinthesky Sun 12-Mar-17 09:26:40

Be proactive. Start decanting the stuff onto the street and refuse her access to your home. Get help from a friend if you need to.

Then change your locks and cry good riddance to this scum family.

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 09:32:57

Locks are changed!

Everything is packed. I mean absolutely everything, down to the damn printer paper!

I don't have any close friends to come round.

No one is aware of the real situation.

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 09:34:40

I cant put it in the street. We live on a main road & it would be stolen within minutes.

Believe you me, I'm very tempted!

toomuchtvandsocialmedia Sun 12-Mar-17 09:38:57

Do not let her step into the house. I would also call the non Emergency police line for advice. I would only give back personal items - I would not give back anything he bought for DS as a gift.

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 09:47:53

I called the police on Thursday apparently hes totally within his rights as he can prove he purchased every item hes requested.

The boys consoles shocked me but you know what? hes left me with with about £20k of debt.
Whats another few hundred to replace the consoles & buy 1 T.V?

My plan was to load stuff to the door step & shut the door. I hope she's got a large transit & some sort of trolley as there's alot of stuff... its very heavy!

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 09:49:35

I'm just so angry.
How do others cope with that anger?
I've been like this for almost 2 weeks...
Its exhausting.sad

Secretlife0fbees Sun 12-Mar-17 11:10:58

Winnie, firstly well done to you for getting rid of this pathetic excuse for a person. Don't let her in... pass her stuff out of the door and I would also ring 101, really you could have requested that the police be there when she gets there as you are concerned for your children's safety. Is it too late to do that? If not I'd do that now. What a fucking scum bag. I hope you're ok. And again well done xflowers

Secretlife0fbees Sun 12-Mar-17 11:12:25

As for the anger... anger can be a positive driving force, use it. After it's over then I'd think about getting someone to talk to about it. Ring women's aid....? It will pass flowers

MrsBertBibby Sun 12-Mar-17 11:22:09

If he bought things for thechildren,they belong to the kids.

OnTheRise Sun 12-Mar-17 11:39:24

Agreed, I'd guess that if he said they were for the children that's that. But it might be more bother than it's worth to keep them.

Can you ask your neighbours to help you with the handover? I wouldn't mind if my neighbours asked if I'd just stand there and observe.

BlondeBecky1983 Sun 12-Mar-17 11:53:02

Well done for getting rid. Don't worry about the material things, they can be replaced, you are walking away from a lifetime of misery, well done! Do not let her in your house beyond the door. Is there anyone at all you feel comfortable to be there to support you? A neighbour?

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 11:54:45

Thanks. The Police said they couldn't help as there is an F.A cup game in this part of London today & its very busy.

Sil won't come in my house.

Exdp is saying he bought tbe consoles for himself & let the boys use them.hmm

I don't know my neighbours they only moved in a couple of weeks ago. The other side are in their lare 70's.

I've called Womens Aid as i have been advised to so many times on here. Took about 4 sttemps to get through & not very helpful in all honesty. They just said stuff about housing & benefits. Support. But nothing i hadn't found online. Sadly. 😞

Sil will be here soon...
Thanks for the replies.

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 11:56:19

Sorry just to add there's no risk to the dc so police couldn't help and its a big game today. (Apparently...)

twofloorsup Sun 12-Mar-17 11:56:53

Winnie when my abusive ex left it cost me thousands.
I took on our massive overdraft, gave him the better car , paid his deposit and first months rent on a flat and kitted it out so he was happy there (and would stay).

11 years on I can safely say it was worth every single penny.

I know that doesn't help you now but it can only get better from here.

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 12:08:40

Two i wouldn't give exdp tbe steam of my pee!!

The cars his. He's got all the money. I've got all the debt.

I'm not responsible for his happiness.

I won't get a penny out of him.

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 12:10:37

God i should have gone with my instinct & followed my original plan instead of allowing my temper to get the bloody better of me!!

twofloorsup Sun 12-Mar-17 12:16:17

I probably wouldn't know mine if he passed me in the street now grin
Not that that's likely he's too busy hiding from child maintenance.

I think it's just going to take time.

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 12:21:39

I should have stuck with my original plan as I'm absolutely screwed financially now...

I lost my temper. Ran to the Police & now its unlikely he'll be prosecuted due to lack of evidence.

I should have kept my cool...

Winniethepooer Sun 12-Mar-17 17:47:17

She turned up just after 1pm.
She had a van but seemed surprised by the amount of stuff.

I just can't help but think how stupid I've been. If I'd kept my cool. Got him to take the loan out, I'd have been almost debt free.

I wish i had handled it all better. sad

WickedLazy Mon 13-Mar-17 10:37:10

At least she won't have to come back now. Even she's probably shocked at how petty he's been, couldn't let the kids keep one console and he take the other... Fuck them both, you're well rid.
Is all the debt in your name?

WickedLazy Mon 13-Mar-17 10:48:03

You're totally right to be so angry btw. He's been a bastard. Be good to yourself, lot's of tlc, quality time with the kids, and don't stress about silly things. When you' feel ready, tackle your finances, enjoy not having him there, and you'll replace the stuff he took in no time. You haven't been stupid, or done anything wrong. None of us could possibly know how we'd react if a dp did that to us, what yours did to you. I think you've done amazing!

ICESTAR Tue 14-Mar-17 09:47:41

Keep strong xx you can do this!!! flowers

pudding21 Tue 14-Mar-17 13:25:41

Winniethepoorer: a virtual "very proud of you", you did the right thing. Even if the police can't find evidence (are they doing forensics on his phone and computer??), you know the truth. Stay strong, and be on your guard.

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