I think my 20 year old son has Peyronies Disease

[trashcanjunkie]

I think I might just need a bit of hand holding..... I have a very complicated relationship with my mother and my eldest son. Things are quite difficult at the moment due to various life pressures, however my son has, in my opinion, been really depressed over the last few years - he has dad issues, and other things going on. He doesn't work or claim benefits, has no friends and never does anything. He makes a mess in the house and sleeps all day. He lives with my mum.

She's in hospital at the moment, (a whole other thread - serious self neglect) and is really worried about my son. She alluded to some very dark secret that was ruining his entire life, and after saying she couldn't tell me, then has told me that two weeks ago she managed to get out of him that his penis is extremely bent, painful and he can't get an erection. He has apparently seen two different doctors, who have said it is incurable and will get worse.

I'm a bit gobsmacked. He's currently on self-destruct with family members, just taking the piss left right and centre. He is chronically shy and I think has really low self esteem.

I've basically said to my mother that she needs to address this with him. Having had a quick look at some of the internet information, the upshot seems to be that it is 'incurable' but that sometimes it goes away on it's own, but there are treatments such as massage, keeping the penis warm using hand warmers, and using a vacuum which all serve to increase blood flow.....

This regime, coupled with certain supplements, not smoking, not sitting in a computer chair and doing squats and deadlifts has had results for some men.

The surgical options are a last option, but I feel like my son needs to get his head round this and move forwards, not hide in his room forever thinking girls will laugh at him and he'll never have sex again.....

[scoobydoo1971]

Firstly, take care reading medical advice on the internet. There is all sorts of hocus pocus out there. The evidence-based publications suggest treatment depends on the severity of the condition. I am sure your son doesn't want to talk about his plumbing problems to his mum or his gran! Take him to a male GP who can examine him, and refer him to a urologist. You need to take a proactive approach to organising this because men are adverse to taking their private parts for clinical examination without cattle prodding. He may have read too much on the internet, or seen the wrong doctor in the past!

There are different treatments available for this, including surgery. Not having sex is of secondary importance to the quality of life (pain) aspect, and it sounds like your son needs an advocate in his life who can promote his interests. Your mother may have his interests at heart, but if she is unwell then she cannot be tasked with dealing with this extra burden right now.

[SealSong]

I'm so sorry for your son, if this is the case (that he does have Peyronies). It can be a devastating condition.
He is, though, an adult. He has sought medical opinion on it, and the rest is up to him. Does he even know that his Grandmother has told you? He might be mortified.
I think unless he chooses to open up to you himself about it, don't try to discuss it with him. It's his business.
Instead focus on having a positive relationship with him, and gently encouraging him to engage with life and seek help for his depression.

[SealSong]

Although Scoobydoo makes a very good point about men often being terrible at facing up to problems of a personal nature and needing cattle prodding to get help.
Either way, I hope things improve for him.

[trashcanjunkie]

My mum has now told my brother who has not said anything but I hope it's a positive move

[Birdsbeesandtrees]

I don't think he will appreciate your over involvement of his medical problems.

He's seen a doctor. He's an adult. I suggest you let him deal with it himself.

[BurningBridges]

how is your mum telling your brother a positive thing?

[trashcanjunkie]

I am trying to see it as not a potential disaster.

I get your point burningbridges - he is 20 and says he's seen medics but he was and is struggling enormously with everyday life. He's just not coping - no income, qualifications or aspirations. His entire life consists of sitting in his bedroom at her flat, living off her. It's awful and they're both codependent. She's verbally abusive and in dreadful health, all made worse with stress. The situation is chronic anyway - I guess my real actual worry is that he may quietly go off and Jill himself as he truly believes 'there's no point in him' his self esteem is rock bottom and I can't actually make it better or change he toxic situation he's in.

[trashcanjunkie]

Kill not Jill

[arsenaltilidie]

You need to take the bull by the horns and personally take him to the GP.
His peyronies might be a source of his depression.
Don't just let your mother deal with him by herself.
He sounds very depressed but the fortunate part is he is still young, with the help of a gentle push he can change his life completely.
He can enrol at a college and do an access course.

Ask your friends if they have any jobs they could offer. Go into shops and cafes and ask them yourself.

What he needs is to get out of the house and start talking to people.