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Need naked photos deleted, but how?

(13 Posts)
Monique31 Thu 02-Mar-17 13:39:25

Be gentle with me, don't need to be told how dumb I am or was. I broke up from a 10 year relationship because my ex cheated on me. Anyway I did some detective work and found out she was a bit more brazen than me, she had tongue piercings, nipple piercings and had sent my ex loads of naked selfies. In all our 10 years I never let him take a naked photo of me.

So I started to feel I was too prudish too up tight, too much of a good girl and that when I met another guy I needed to up my game.

So I met this guy online. And within weeks I had sent a few photos, never my face in any photo, just body, close up of boobs or lady bit. And then I sent a few lingerie ones and then a pic with me in a bra but really fancy one and I'm wearing hot pants, for the hot pants one my face is in, but it wasn't a sexy pic at all, just a selfie, it's the only one with my face.

Anyway to make a long story short I've decided me and this guy isn't going to work, he hasn't deleted his profile like he said, didn't want to add me on Facebook, never use his phone around me, so could be here all weekend, and not use his phone once, but when he's not here we're always texting, likes to drink too much, smokes like a chimney and is so tight with money it's unbelievable. Every date is at my house/ his house as he makes excuses not to go out and it's not like I want him to buy my meal or tickets, I can sort myself out, he just hates parting with money and he makes a good amount.

Anyway I told him all of the above. He still wants to be with me. I've told him no and broken it off quite a few times as his behaviour seems so very dodgy.

Anyways I was thinking if I should ask him over and when he arrives ask him personally in front of me to delete the photos and I can delete the one he sent to me, I know he won't do it if I text / call asking. Before I ask I would find out if he had cloud storage and backed up photos, I can make small talk about kids and backing up photos to find out first. He has a Samsung Motorola. So I'm thinking ask for whatsapp thread to be deleted, delete photos from phone, then go to deleted photos and permanently delete and so the same on his cloud, but I doubt he has cloud.

Or just let it go as a silly mistake. There's no naked photo with my face, the naked ones are close ups of intimate parts, the only pic with my face that I'm in I'm wearing a bra and hot pants but I'm not in a sexy pose or anything, just standing straight. I suppose if he did reveal them I could say it wasn't me except for that one face photo and the lingerie ones, the ones of my naked body I could deny. I'll never be so silly again, I think I just had a break down and wanted to prove to myself I was just as good as the OW and I could be daring and exciting too. Massive mistake, now my fanny and tits are in his phone.

SparklingRaspberry Thu 02-Mar-17 13:43:42

You could ask him to delete it but in all honesty I doubt he would. Going off his behaviour up until now, he doesn't seem the type to take your needs or feelings into consideration.

I'd just finish things and forget about it all. Perhaps tell him you want the photos deleted and remind him that it's illegal to pass on your photos.

I doubt he'll care enough to delete them properly though.

PaterPower Thu 02-Mar-17 14:03:02

You can't "make" him delete the pics, at least not without some sort of court order, I wouldn't have thought. And if he's backed his phone up to a pc you'll never be certain they've completely gone.

As Sparkling said, be calm, tell him the relationship isn't working for you and, on that basis, you're asking him to delete the pics. Don't sugarcoat things - it would be pretty crap to turn up to your GF's house, have what seemed to be a good night only to be dumped at the end of it!

IMO, I would probably not do the "revenge porn is illegal" speech unless it looks to you like he won't delete them and/or reacts badly when you say the relationship is over.

Tenshidarkangel Thu 02-Mar-17 14:29:41

Welcome to the joys of sending nudes. Sadly if he's got them somewhere there is nothing you can do. However, it is illegal for him to post them or send them to someone else.
In future, make sure:
A) They are not identifiable.
B) They are pictures you are absolutely not bothered about ending up on the internet. I had a nice boudoir (sp?) shoot done (Only boobs and sexy underwear, no foof) and I'm proud of those pics. If they end up online I honestly don't care. XD

HarmlessChap Thu 02-Mar-17 15:02:31

Ask him to delete the pictures then assume he has done it. You'll never be able to tell 100% if he still has some as many phones back up online automatically, so even if he deleted them in front of you there is no knowing if they are the only saved versions.

Put it down to experience, the worst he has is one with your face in a bra and hot pants, whoopie do! If he tries to share any of the others and says they are you, find a picture online of an acorn sized cock and post that saying its him!

TheNaze73 Thu 02-Mar-17 15:55:14

I wouldn't ask him to delete the picture, it's a bra pick. Nothing major, he'll have been sent much more in the past.

If you make a big deal of it, he'll know it bothers you. He could have emailed a copy of the picture to himself anyway, so deleting it really won't necessarily be the end of it.

Make a fuss yourself & it'll become a big deal.

fallenempires Thu 02-Mar-17 15:59:27

HarmlessChap that last comment has made my afternoon!😉

andaluchia Thu 02-Mar-17 20:50:08

Op. You need to send him an email, making it clear you are no longer interested in the relationship and that you would like him to delete the nude photos you've sent him in the past and state clearly he no longer has your permission to retain, transfer or use them in any manner. Try to include other things in the email that would prompt a reply or any sort of acknowledgement.

OP, You've been stupid, but you can't just let it go.

You have to be able to hold him accountable if those pictures end up out there. He may not put them out, but his carelessness may enable someone else to.

PaterPower Thu 02-Mar-17 22:00:20

Dump him by email? With added legal threats out of nowhere (from his perspective)?! Nice... hmm

Isetan Fri 03-Mar-17 13:49:43

You can ask but that's about it. Learn your lesson by first asking yourself how sending suggestive pics to a man you really didn't know was 'upping your game'?

HeeHighls Fri 03-Mar-17 15:15:14

I wouldn't ask him to delete the picture, it's a bra pick. Nothing major, he'll have been sent much more in the past.

If you make a big deal of it, he'll know it bothers you. He could have emailed a copy of the picture to himself anyway, so deleting it really won't necessarily be the end of it.
Make a fuss yourself & it'll become a big deal."
Such good advice from Naze and put nothing in writing, or you've outed yourself.
Block him and put it out of your mind. Then never do it again, ever. Not even for a husband.
Who wants pics if they have it for real?

SandyY2K Fri 03-Mar-17 16:55:52

I'd just end the relationship nicely and move on. With no naked pics with your face, it's no big deal.

For the future... Just be yourself. I'm not one for nudes and I don't believe that makes me a prude either.

If a guy tries to insist on you sending nudes, drop him like a hot brick. No man who respected you would push you to do something you aren't comfortable with.

Monique31 Fri 03-Mar-17 19:05:43

Thanks you guys! I think I'm going to leave it and not say anything, cos if I make it a big deal, he'll know it worries me. If it gets out I'll just deny till I'm red in the face. Love the acorn comment, that made me really laugh. Thanks again guys x

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