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Outside Point of View - Please

(8 Posts)
Holymoly1985 Wed 22-Feb-17 11:03:21

Where to begin... Just before the new year I met up with some friends for a few drinks. After a few too many I decided to go home. I heard someone coming in a while later and just thought it was my friend whom I had been out with coming home after me. I woke up a while later and I could hear the noise of the bed banging in the other room. I went outside to the front room and seen my other friends (who I had also left in the pub earlier) boyfriends jacket was in the living room but he wasn’t in there. I went straight over to the bedroom wall and banged on it as loud as I could shouting get out what are you doing. I couldn’t believe my eyes when the door was opened and my friend whom I live with and my other friends boyfriend were in there. I know that they had been up to something coz I heard them so they couldn’t deny it . I shouted at the what are you doing this is wrong and they both just looked at me blankly. I told him to get out and they still just looked at me! They closed the door and me and my boyfriend could hear them having sex again! I am so disgusted with the whole thing. I have been friends with both girls since I was a child. I am totally and utterly gutted about this. Of course they begged me not to tell anyone the usual crap. I mean what choice do I have I am in the middle of this and I didn’t ask for any of it. I haven’t told her but it is eating away at me. Every time she calls or texts me my heart stops. I feel like I cannot be friends with her anymore because of what I know and how can I be happy for her in anything her future holds with this man because it’s all based on a lie. I had a bit of a meltdown over it and confided in a mutual friend . To my horror she went and told someone about it. I am so devastated as I told her in confidence I was very upset about it at the time so it wasn’t gossip to me it was causing me pain. I am hurt that someone who I chose to confide in has done this. So the cheater called me up and started having a go at me telling me how disrespectful I am for talking about it. Please you shouldn’t have done it in the first place. My other friend whom I live with isn’t talking to me now either because I spoke about it. I feel so guilty all the time and no matter what I do I seem to be the one to lose out. I cannot go on living with this secret from my friend she doesn’t deserve it. They are saving for a house and trying for a baby but I honestly don’t know what to do not matter what I do I cannot seem to win. I can’t stop worrying about it how she will feel when or if she finds out. I am so miserable. I have spoken to my boyfriend who is at the end of his teather with the whole thing and he is sick of me being upset about it and wants them to tell her and if not he said that he will. I should tell her but I mean how can I it will kill her and if she finds out I knew all this time and didn’t tell her she will prob not speak to me again anyway. I don’t know what to do 

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Wed 22-Feb-17 11:15:39

Tell them to tell her or you will. Its the best option. Those doing the dirty have no right to call you out. I appreciate you don't want your other friend upset but she deserves to know rather than find out later when she will resent you for not telling her.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 22-Feb-17 11:19:57

You should have no doubt about telling her. Not being friends with her as well-you are going about it all the wrong way!

pocketsaviour Wed 22-Feb-17 11:50:53

Stop thinking about your own feelings and start thinking about your friend instead.

You've been sat on this for 2 months and now you've told someone ELSE who is not the cheated-on partner. It's now going to get round your whole friend circle, so pull your big girl pants on and tell your friend, before someone else does, because they definitely will.

Don't be surprised if she shoots the messenger, but if you don't tell her you're going to lose your friendship anyway.

mycatloveslego Wed 22-Feb-17 12:02:36

It sounds like you're in bits trying to keep their dirty little secret, which is so unfair on you. Your poor friend really shouldn't have a baby with this cheating bf, it's not fair on her or on the child. She may well shoot the messenger but in the long run she'll hopefully realise she had a lucky escape. Plus, if she finds out at a later date he cheated and that you knew, I doubt your friendship would survive. Be a good friend and tell her.

PaterPower Wed 22-Feb-17 12:22:29

Agree with pps - I don't think you've been left with any choice now that another person in the circle knows. It'll be much worse for cheated-on friend to find out via gossip (and then to know that you didn't tell her first).

Happybunny19 Wed 22-Feb-17 12:24:10

Tell her. She will be more devastated that everyone knew and didn't say anything once the truth comes out. You haven't done anything wrong, that's all been done by housemate and the boyfriend. Are you able to house share with someone else because I don't see it's possible to carry on sharing with your friend (and I certainly wouldn't trust her round my boyfriend after that).

Montane50 Wed 22-Feb-17 12:50:24

You started a thread 30 mins before this one with exactly the same question but a different username. Why?

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