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H being mean about my looks (nose)

(17 Posts)
ImpetuousBride Sun 19-Feb-17 05:51:43

We were sitting on the sofa yesterday and out of the blue my H blurted out something like: "My nose is growing larger, look like a Pinocchio". He said "my nose" supposedly referring to himself but he has a small to average nose, mine is the one that's big and ugly, so I immediately knew that remark was meant for me.

What's even worse, he often makes a point of telling me that I am beautiful, that he would never change anything about me, etc. Hence my surprise about the comment. By the time I could say anything my DS had approached having overheard us, and asked who has a larger nose, my H responded "Clearly your mum", then mumbled "I don't really notice it anymore". This ended the conversation but I felt angry at H, for being pointlessly mean and also for being untruthful in giving me empty compliments every day (completely unprompted!), when in fact he doesn't like my appearance at all.

WWYD - confront him even though the moment's already gone, pretend that nothing's been said? I am actually considering the option of leaving as I struggle with other issues in our marriage, and don't need this additional nastiness.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair Sun 19-Feb-17 06:02:42

I don't think I could let that lie. It would eat away at me. What gratuitous cruelty.

(Incidentally, I don't think there's anything wrong with big noses. flowers I like mine, anyway.)

pigeondujour Sun 19-Feb-17 06:05:06

What the fuck?! RUDE! I can't believe that. Is he four? I'd go nuclear.

EasterRobin Sun 19-Feb-17 06:19:21

Is your nose growing?

Is his?

Since that seems to have been the comment, I don't see why it has to be about you unless yours is growing, which you've not mentioned.

Is it possible you are misunderstanding, and he is actually worried about his own changing looks?

BackInBlack78 Sun 19-Feb-17 06:31:51

I hate men that make horrible comments like this, unfortunately my defence against stuff like this is a similar personal attack... I would've made a remark like his nose is bigger than his cock... let him suffer the consequences of a hurtful remark too... but that's just me, and I'm clearly a bitch confused

Paninotogo Sun 19-Feb-17 06:35:22

I don't understand. Why was the Pinocchio comment aimed at you?

TheStoic Sun 19-Feb-17 06:45:49

You believe his one negative comment, but all his compliments are 'untruthful'?
Why is that?

And that comment cannot possibly have been out of the blue...unless he was sleeptalking. What was the context?

Thefitfatty Sun 19-Feb-17 07:04:18

So he said HIS nose was growing, but you took that as a comment aimed at you? confused

niceupthedance Sun 19-Feb-17 07:08:15

I would have taken that comment to mean he had just told a lie.

todaywillbehappy Sun 19-Feb-17 07:12:15

I'm with Back, 'shame your nose is the same size as your knob'.
But we're a Micky taking family so it wouldn't bother me.

LucyLocketLostIt Sun 19-Feb-17 07:13:11

What niceupthedance said.

brittanyfairies Sun 19-Feb-17 07:13:43

My XH and I were chatting with friends one night and speculating about what we would do with lottery wins. XH piped up without provocation "buy Brittany a nose job". Twat.

I'm ok about the size of my nose now, it's just a part of me.

picklemepopcorn Sun 19-Feb-17 07:28:26

I think men's ears and noses do appear to grow with age, don't they? As the rest of the face shrivels a bit with age and muscle loss. Was he thinking of that? Or talking about his other 'nose'? Did you ask him?
And I think someone can be beautiful just as they are while still having flaws. He isn't lying about that. Think of loving your child with a facial birthmark or cleft palate. Still beautiful.

Tinkerbec Sun 19-Feb-17 08:13:53

Just because you have a bigger nose doesn't make you not beautiful. It is simply just a truth this doesn't not make you unattractive.
Agree it was a random comment to come out with though if it was about you.

Is there more to this?

Tinkerbec Sun 19-Feb-17 08:15:49

Double negatives there.

I meant a big nose, small lips , wonky eyes ( like me) doesn't mean your oh or anyone for that matter doesn't think your are unattractive.

noego Sun 19-Feb-17 08:34:15

This is school playground stuff. Your married to a child unfortunately.

Or you could have responded in a childish way and said something like,

I use it to smell the BS you come out with dear or that's why I took it out of your arse years ago my love. smile

ImpetuousBride Sun 19-Feb-17 11:38:35

Thanks to all of you for responding,

I appreciate that as some said, there is a possibility it wasn't aimed at me, or I did turn a thoughtless comment into more than it was but still... I always try to be considerate and hold him to the same standard. I prefer honesty instead of superfluous adulation.

Black nice response, made me laugh smile and you're not a bitch but able to land a prompt comeback!

Brittany that's really horrible of your ex, how dare he decide whether or not you want/should have surgery. Sounds right that he's an ex / a**hole.

Tinker No, not really, just always feel awkward when he starts the compliment showering, I've even said it should be toned down as it doesn't sound realistic to me (then he gets offended saying that's just how he is/feels and I should find a man who doesn't "adore" me)

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