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Father in Law holiday bombing

9 replies

Bee876 · 15/02/2017 08:46

My FIL is driving me mad. My FIL is an alcoholic and has always been very difficult to be around. He now has a new girlfriend, also a heavy drinker, equally hard work as she never speaks to us.

I work away mon to fri so do not get much time with OH and kids. So time off is very precious. For the last 2 years every time I have a holiday booked they turn up to stay, not just for a few days but a week at a time. We do not have a spare room, so that they book into a B&B, so I cannot even say it would be great to see you but we can only put you up for 2 nights as busy to try to keep visits reasonable length. This is always half terms, school holidays as his GF works in a school.

I find out last minute by which time I cannot do anything about it. We have been doing a lot of work to house and have not had spare cash to go away so have been stuck with them. Whilst not at our house they expect us to entertain them, which means sitting in dingy pubs whilst they drink. If we don't go to on his Dad sulks. Last time I cooked a meal they turned up legless, could not remember the kids names and had a strop because we had no beer in the house. I now refuse to do this, but that means I do not get to spend time with OH as he feels guilty as they have made effort to come and see us. Have pointed out this is not case as at Xmas we were supposed to be going to see them, but they turned up unexpected as announced they were staying a week even though they knew we were not going to be there!

Sorry for lengthy post but just found out they are coming again, at half term, bombing another holiday. I love my OH, and we have a great relationship, except where his dad is concerned. He just will not tackle the issue as he seems afraid to upset him.

OP posts:

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FurryLittleTwerp · 15/02/2017 08:53

Just don't tell them when you have holiday, or tell them you'll be away, whether you are or not, & don't give any details.

Make a definite plan to see them if you want, but on your terms. Don't waste your own time in pubs FFS!

Your DH has to deal with this really.

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CookieLady · 15/02/2017 08:56

Don't tell them when you book time off from work. If they've figured out when the kids' school hols lie. Say that the kids are off to your parents/aunts/whoevers as you can't get time off from work.

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DirtyBlonde · 15/02/2017 08:58

Yes, agree you need to find ways to get your DH to take a more active role in taking the edge off visits.

Can you and the DC go away for half term?

Seriously - the reply message being "What a shame, we've arranged to go to my mother/sister/passing or invented acquaintance/etc for half term" then DH can decide if he sees them solo.

You can use similar reason in future to shorten visits.

And perhaps look for nicer pubs, if that's what they like. Ideally part way through a day out hiking?

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LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/02/2017 09:21

What's your DH doing in all of this? He needs to step up and tell them it's not acceptable - and you need to carry on regardless with your plans. Don't go and sit in pubs to facilitate their drinking, get on with your plans with the kids and if they turn up drunk then your DH should make them leave the house!

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/02/2017 09:21

Open door and say

"It's very rude to do this, GO THE FUCK AWAY"

Shut door

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Oliversmumsarmy · 15/02/2017 09:31

Next time when you book tell your dc and your dh you are going to Llandudno and book Marseille. Don't tell anyone untill you set off.

For this 1/2 term go out everyday. Set off at first light and don't return till late.

Just don't go to the pub with him. FWIW you can have a stand up argument with him and he probably won't remember the next day.

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PaterPower · 15/02/2017 09:43

Your husband has to step up to the plate here and put some boundaries in place.
My parents are lovely, and we see them reasonably often, but if they were turning up for weeks at a time and during every school holiday I think my head would explode!

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Ragwort · 15/02/2017 10:00

I love my OH, and we have a great relationship, except where his dad is concerned. He just will not tackle the issue as he seems afraid to upset him.

I think you need to accept that your DH wants to spend time with his father and the GF and just leave them to it, don't accommodate them, do your own thing with your children ........ hopefully your DH will then realise he is missing out on his own family life - unless he would rather sit in a dingey pub with his dad.